


And So

by rokkasen



Category: Naruto
Genre: Drama, F/F, F/M, Humor, Multi, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-10
Updated: 2013-03-20
Packaged: 2017-11-25 01:16:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/633552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rokkasen/pseuds/rokkasen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tradition dictates should a woman become the leader of the Yamanaka, Nara, or Akimichi clan that upon adulthood the other two clan leaders are obligated to pick her husband. Good thing Ino is anything but traditional. [Ino-centric; various pairings]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tradition, Tradition

**Author's Note:**

> **Rating:** M for language, violence (of the Torture and Interrogation kind) and adult situations.  
>  **Disclaimer:** Naruto belongs to Kishimoto. If I owned Naruto, there would be a lot more Ino scenes.
> 
> * * *

September 22nd was inching into the 23rd and Ino was at work. These days, she practically lived in Konoha's infamous interrogation room, which, as one might imagine, was doing nothing for her social life or sanity. Sure, the boys always came in droves but who had times for dates when she had to be up all night sticking needles under peoples' nails and tormenting them with the memories of their long dead lovers and relatives? Tonight for example, instead of celebrating her and her teammate's respective birthdays, she was laid up in a resting area in Morino Ibiki's Super Secret BDSM T&I Dungeon (as her fellow Interrogation shinobi affectionately called it), trying to recuperate from her latest mind probe.

"Yamanaka," the gravelly voice of said Morino Ibiki woke her from her almost slumber. "It's quitting time."

Ino rolled to her side before sitting up slowly. Not the voice or face she had wanted to wake up to, _ever_ , but she was used to him already in all his scarred and slightly deranged glory. She had come to see Ibiki as a mentor of sorts since becoming a jounin. He had scooped her up early on in her career and taken her under his wing, much to the chagrin of her former teammates and father. Yamanaka Inoichi was proud of his daughter but in his mind she was still his baby princess (his words) and didn't need to be traipsing through the minds of perverted criminals all day long (again his words).

Truthfully, there were Yamanakas all over this unit but none had the penchant for getting into a person's head, both figuratively and literally, like Yamanaka Ino.

"You did well today," Ibiki turned on the light nearly blinding Ino and she groaned. Torture was not only reserved for the interrogated, it seemed. "You're finally learning how to get in deep."

It took all her Jounin willpower not to cringe at Ibiki talking about her and _going deep_ in the same sentence.

"Yeah well, I wish I hadn't. I _really_ didn't need to know about the trysts he had with every old, toothless, discount prostitute in Wind." Ino shuddered. There was not enough bleach in the world to get her brain clean after that. "Damn his good memory."

Ibiki shrugged. "You take the good with the bad in this field. Mostly bad."

"Very reassuring, thanks. I knew I should have gone into teaching instead." Ino thought about Asuma and his infinite patience and Chouji and Shimamaru and their, well, Chouji and Shikamaru-ness.

Nope nope nope.

He laughed that annoying, wheezy, knowing laugh that Ino had come to loathe. "But then you'd get bored. You're not happy unless you're wrecking someone's life."

_Asshole_. How dare he be so right about her?

"Happy birthday, by the way," Ibiki surprised her by handing her a neatly wrapped package. Ino took it carefully, as though it might bite her. Ibiki did some strange things to test her and this package could very well melt her face off if she wasn't careful. "I solemnly swear that this package is safe to open. You have my word."

Ino snorted and against her better judgment started unwrapping. "I've heard that one before. Don't think I've forgotten 'Let's Welcome Ino into the Unit: The Great Exploding Tag Pudding Bra Prank.'"

"Good times," Ibiki said fondly and without a hint of remorse.

"A hair ornament?" The beautiful kanzashi was a cluster of white and colored plum blossoms delicately strung together by painted silver. This was a very thoughtful gift. It didn't even explode or shoot chocolate pudding at her or anything. Ino felt herself getting a little misty.

"It holds six poison darts," Ibiki sounded very proud of himself. "Seven if you get creative."

_It figures_ , Ino sighed to herself. The beautiful teacher-student moment had passed before it even started. "Happy Birthday to me."

* * *

Like her handsome, gentlemanly, and charismatic father before her, Ino was pretty much the idol of T&I, which meant that everyone on duty wanted to have a birthday drink with her. By the time Ino had stumbled out of the Intel building she was six drinks in and well on her way to Wasted Town with a long stopover in Pre-Game Village.

Outside, her friends were waiting for her to celebrate. Technically they were here to celebrate her and Shikamaru's birthdays but Ino was self centered and drunk, so she kept referring to the event as _her_ birthday. She made her rounds kissing all of her friends—Chouji got one on each cheek and one on the forehead because he was so sweet, Shikamaru got a punch in the arm for complaining about going out so late, Sakura, Tenten, and Hinata all got cheek kisses that lasted a little bit too long (Ino had also whispered a slurry "I love you" into Sakura's ear, but Sakura would take that to the grave), Kiba and Naruto got what she had intended to be chaste kisses on the lips which quickly escalated to something more R-rated (to the surprise of no one) and even Shino and Neji acquiesced to kisses on the cheek (to the surprise of everyone).

"It's my birthday," Ino slung her arm around Tenten and leaned on her heavily.

"I know, Ino," Tenten laughed and held her friend up. "You've only said it about sixteen times already."

"You have to be nice to me. It's my goddamn birthday!" Ino hollered to some shinobi standing by the gate into the village. It was, predictably, Izumo and Kotetsu, who rarely ever moved from their designated spot. They looked delighted to have some sort of interruption. "Izumo-san, Kotetsu-san, get your asses over here and kiss me! It's—"

" _My birthday_ ," everyone chorused back.

Ino sniffed, visibly affronted but only for a moment. She wasn't going to let them ruin her fun. She jumped on an unsuspecting Kiba's back and pointed towards the bar. "I'm gonna get so drunk that I can't make memories anymore! Ninjas, ho!"

"This is going to be a long night," Sakura looked over at Shikamaru, presumably the only other sane person there, wearily.

Shikamaru watched Ino, still on Kiba's back, attempt to kiss both Izumo and Kotetsu at the same time. "Understatement of the century."

* * *

"Happy birthdaaaaay to me, happy birthdaaaay to meeee," Ino slurred and then belched, ever the picture of feminine dignity and grace. After the festivities had wound down and the bar had been drained off all its alcohol, Chouji had made a big show of yawning and feigning exhaustion from his latest mission, which left Shikamaru to drag Ino home. What happened to friendship? What happened to eternal Ino-Shika-Chou loyalty?

Ino burped again. "Ew, when did I eat takoyaki?"

_Right. Every man for himself._

"Shikamaruuuu, you're a jerk," Ino tripped over her own two feet and Shikamaru sighed for what felt like the millionth time that night.

"A nice thing to say to the guy who's going to be holding your hair back later," he grumbled and held her more tightly to him. Ino smelled like she had taken a bath in vodka which helped to counter the treacherous thoughts about her warm body pressing against him. God, he was pathetic.

When the Yamanaka flower shop finally came into view, he nearly cried with relief. His nerves were shot. Ino was hard enough to handle when sober. Drunk? She was a nightmare. Not only had she managed to dance on the bar in heels (somehow without killing herself) and kissed every shinobi within a ten mile radius (literally everyone—middle aged ramen shop owner included) but she had _almost_ gone home with six different guys, three of which were their former schoolmates, and Shikamaru and Chouji were forced to intervene. Didn't Asuma put Ino in charge of Shikamaru and Chouji? When did they get to be the responsible ones?

This shit? This shit was _troublesome_.

"I like your hair," Ino nuzzled his neck. "You smell nice."

Oh good, they were getting to the part of the evening when things got very awkward, very quickly. Shikamaru unceremoniously dropped her on the doorstep. She yelped and Shikamaru immediately thought better of himself. If Inoichi came out here and saw Ino drunk on the floor and Shikamaru just standing there…

… was there enough time for him to make a clean get away?

_Seriously? A genius IQ of 200 and all you could come up with is a drop-and-dash?_

"Are you and Temari-san on or off this week?" Ino looked up at him through thick eyelashes.

"What?" He and Temari had broken up and gotten back together so many times that even he wasn't sure. He simply shrugged because in the end, it wasn't Ino's business. They had a strict "Don't ask, don't tell" policy when it came to each other's relationships and sex lives. Not, he thought, that Ino ever followed any rules.

She considered his non-answer for a moment. He could almost see the drunk, sloppy wheels turning in her head. Then, Ino leaned up and grabbed his flak jacket, forcing him to bend to her level. "Happy birthday," Ino murmured before planting a kiss on his lips.

Inoichi was at the door in a heartbeat, no doubt waiting up for his daughter to get home. He didn't look happy. Shikamaru had two choices: Stand there like an idiot and mentally debate the potential implications of that drunk kiss or get the fuck out of there before Yamanaka Inoichi ripped him a new one.

"This belongs to you," Shikamaru handed off Ino to her father before the Yamanaka patriarch could ask too many questions. "Bye."

The coward's way _always_ won.

* * *

"Congratulations on your first hangover. Welcome to adulthood." Shikaku sounded way too cheerful for Ino's liking. All she wanted to do was suffocate herself in her bowl of rice in peace. Was that too much to ask?

"Leave me here to die," she said miserably.

Ino's mother set a glass down on the table with more force than necessary, causing Ino to wince. It was official: everyone was against her. "Don't be rude, Ino."

It wasn't that she didn't like Shikaku. She did, she really did. In fact, she loved him more than she did most of her own relatives. He was fun and sarcastic and was the best karaoke partner. But it was 7:00 am and she was simultaneously hungover and still drunk from last night. Ino was in no mood to entertain.

"A little dramatic, don't you think?" Shikaku filled the glass with some murky green-brown liquid that made Ino's stomach clench. "Drink this."

Ino tilted the glass, watching the ooze coat the sides. "Why do you hate me?"

He chuckled. "Drink it and your hangover will be gone."

It was kind of sweet that he had come over so early in the morning to deliver it to her. Ino was instantly suspicious. Nara men didn't usually do things to be sweet. "How'd you know I needed this?" She took a few careful sips and gagged. Steeling herself, Ino pinched her nose and started chugging.

"Besides the fact that you're the talk of the village this morning after last night's antics—"

"How bad is the damage?" Ino whispered so that her mother couldn't hear.

Shikaku leaned closer and refilled her glass with more Nara No-Hangover Juice. "No property damage, unless you count the string of broken hearts you left behind in your drunken wake."

"So a normal day, then."

"You told the Ichiraku ramen guy you loved him."

"Teuchi-san makes a great bowl of ramen!" she said in her defense. "By the way, how come you're playing delivery boy? Don't you usually make your son do the grunt work?"

Shikaku drummed his fingers on the table. "He seems insistent on staying away from the House of Yamanaka until tonight's festivities." In her post-drunk haze, Ino had completely forgotten about the huge Clan get together to celebrate Ino and Shikamaru's "journey into adulthood". It was just another excuse for everyone to get drunk, in her opinion. "Do you have any reason why that might be?"

Ino pretended to inspect her nails. "Because he's a lazy ass and didn't want to get out of bed?" Shikaku looked at her knowingly as if to say _Well, probably, but that's not all, is it?_ Damn those Nara men and their all knowing ways. "He was the one who dragged me home last night. Maybe he's embarrassed to face my dad."

"Ah," Shikaku leaned back in his chair. "No wonder he asked me if he thought his death would be quick or prolonged at the hands of Inoichi."

"Daddy wouldn't kill the messenger."

"Wouldn't he, though?"

"Still! Shikamaru could have at least come over to see if I was alive. Coward."

"Coward," Shikaku agreed. He stood up and ruffled Ino's hair affectionately. "My mission is complete. Better get back before the wife notices I snuck out during cleaning day. You wouldn't believe the damage that woman can deal with a broom."

"I believe it," Ino weakly waved goodbye and then rested her head against her warm rice bowl again.

Birthdays? So overrated.

* * *

By the time Ino had to put on her kimono and do her hair for the nightly festivities, her hangover was long gone. She sent a silent thank you to Shikaku for sharing his Nara Cure All and silent curse to Shikamaru for not bothering to find out if she was dead or alive. All Nara men were apparently not made equal; Shikaku had just clinched first place in her heart.

The kimono was beautiful, Ino supposed as she looked at herself in the mirror, and appropriate for the fall. It was black and heavily patterned with gold, red, and orange autumn leaves, flowers, and— to Chouji's delight— butterflies that weaved around her left shoulder. The Yamanaka family crest had been sewn into a little circle on the bottom edge.

Beautiful, but Ino almost didn't feel like herself.

With her painted face and striking clothes, someone might think she was the daughter of some rich lord, not an interrogator who preyed on the dreams and thoughts of the weak. There was nothing good about what she did. It was dirty and secret and everything about this kimono felt like a lie.

But it was _tradition_ and important to her parents, so Ino would play the role of the dutiful daughter and parade herself out there in front of other Clan heads, smile prettily, and pour sake for the men. _Like a mission,_ she thought _, except that I do not get paid enough for this shit._

Ino was not surprised to see that Chouji and Shikamaru dressed up in their "finest" meant their Jounin uniforms but whatever. It was always like this. Being a clan leader was such a boys' club sometimes and Ino felt that she had to work ten times as hard as they did to be recognized and taken seriously. So here she was, all dolled up, and there they were, comfortable as could be. Chouji waved to her with the hand that wasn't holding a skewer of meat while Shikamaru pointedly looked away to avoid having to converse with her.

Two could play this game. Nara Shikamaru was henceforth blacklisted until he got on his hands and knees and begged for her forgiveness. Apologizing profusely to avoid her anger was Shikamaru's old standby. It was only a matter of time before he caved.

"You look beautiful." Her father's heartfelt words and suspiciously teary eyes made her annoyance at Shikamaru dissipate instantly. He was flanked by Chouza and Shikaku on each side, both of whom also complimented Ino and gave their customary congratulations on her birthday. It was hard to be mad at them when they all loved her so dearly.

"Thank you." Ino took Shikaku by the arm, walking with him away from the crowd. "I owe you one for this morning."

He patted her hand. "You can pay me back by partnering up with me for the next InoShikaChou karaoke battle. 'Returning Champions' has a nice ring to it."

"Done."

"This is some party," Shikaku looked around at the guests mingling, his own wife delighting in being center of attention. "Technically I'm supposed to be going around and thanking everyone for showing up and caring about my kid living to see adulthood."

"Technically," Ino agreed. Shikaku really wasn't one for parties, much like his son. She didn't think anyone would mind if he hung back in the shadows while Inoichi and Yoshino took care of the formalities. "But they should really be thanking _us_ for throwing such a swanky party. The last Hyuuga bash? Total snooze fest until Hinata accidentally lit her sister's kimono sleeve on fire."

"Shikaku," both Ino and Shikaku froze in place when Yoshino descended upon them in all her righteous anger. Ino's mother stood next to her, hands on her hips. Ino squeezed Shikaku's hand as if to say _Be strong._ "You said you would properly go and thank the guests!"

Shikaku shrugged, resigned to his fate of being Yoshino's eternal whipping boy. "Yes, yes."

"One yes is more than enough! Now go!"

Ino's own mother stared her down and interrogator as Ino might be, she was a little intimidated. "Give this to Shikamaru," Her mother shoved a plate of cake into Ino's hands before the younger woman could open her mouth in protest. "You haven't said two words to each other tonight."

_Who cares?_ Ino thought, but wasn't brave enough to say. "He started it!" Ino knew it sounded immature as soon as it left her mouth but he _had_ started it _._

Her mother gave her a _look_. " _Ino_." Memories of her mother pushing Shikamaru and Chouji on her as a child surfaced. _Be nice, Ino. Do the right thing, Ino. They're the sons of your father's best friends, Ino._ She was so tired of doing the right thing and putting in so much effort, especially when she got nothing in return.

Ino swallowed her indignity, took the plate and tromped over to Shikamaru and Chouji. She threw the cake down in front of Shikamaru. "Here's some cake. Don't choke on it," she muttered darkly.

Shikamaru decided that this was all much too troublesome (Ino had probably poisoned the cake and he would have liked to live to see another birthday if possible) and apologizing was the best course of action. This was how the two of them operated. Shikamaru screwed up. Ino threw a fit. Shikamaru groveled. Ino forgave him. Since the dawn of time, this was how their dynamic worked and everyone moved on. Why complicate things this late in the game? "Ino, I'm sorry that I—"

"Everyone, thank you for coming," Shikaku's voice boomed from the head table. "Today is a very special day… etc. etc." Yoshino gave him a visibly sharp kick from under the table. "Nobody likes their drinking interrupted by long speeches so let me just say this: this is the first time in generations that we've had a female leader of one of our three clans."

Ino's heart thumped loudly when her fellow shinobi applauded and cheered. Chouji squeezed her hand and Shikamaru's lips quirked up into a half-smile. Maybe all her hard worked had paid off. Their fathers had clearly recognized her talent and dedication. They recognized that she was in no way inferior to Chouji and Shikamaru just because she was a woman. People liked and respected her.

"All three of our future clan heads are now adults in the eyes of Konoha law. They will soon get married and start families of their own." One of Ino's second cousins eyed her as if to say _I told you that you don't have much time left, get to birthin'._ Ino never liked her. "That being said, clan tradition is as follows: Should a woman become the leader of the Yamanaka, Nara, or Akimichi clan, upon adulthood the other two clan leaders are obligated to pick her husband. So… if anyone is interested in marrying Ino-chan, you'll have to go through the gauntlet of Shikamaru and Chouji to do so."

Silence.

"Cheers!"

Ino, Shikamaru and Chouji all stared at each other in abject horror.

_What the ever loving fuck just happened?_

None of them had any idea but there was at least one thing Ino knew for certain: She was going to have to find a new karaoke partner because _Nara Shikaku was a dead man._


	2. Pain is the Great Equalizer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you guys so, so much for the positive feedback, favs and follows for chapter 1! A special thanks to Kaara for letting me use her Ino art as the cover for this fic! Check out her stuff guys, she's awesome :D Also, this fic is heading a bit more into AU territory since it takes place in the future and the manga isn't finished.
> 
> Mental health questions in this chapter come from anorton .com.
> 
> Rating: M for language, violence (of the Torture and Interrogation kind), mentions of mental health/depression, and adult situations. Some ~*~drama~*~ in this chapters because who doesn't love some drama?  
> Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Kishimoto. If I owned Naruto, there would be a lot more Ino scenes.

Ino was in such a foul mood that even Ibiki felt bad for the man currently being interrogated.

They had recently been hired by the Daimyo of Fire Country to extract information from one of his ex-bodyguards that had gone rogue. The man swore up and down that he had fallen in love with a girl from Wind and ran away to be with her but frankly, Ibiki didn't care about the details. They would get the truth out of him one way or another. Ibiki personally preferred "or another"—that way was _much_ more fun.

It was no secret that Ibiki was grooming Ino to eventually take over as head of T&I when he either died or retired, whichever came first. Many people vocally disagreed with his choice, especially the more conservative ANBU and Intel members. Ino was a woman, young, and highly emotional. Did she really have the chops to take the reins from Ibiki? It was an ongoing battle but Ibiki held firm. He had never folded to the pressure of higher ups before and he wasn't about to start now.

Ibiki had decided to let her fly solo on this particular interrogation since she had insisted in doing so and who was he to deny his favorite disciple? It would give him a chance to catch up on some paperwork and maybe even watch his favorite soap opera _Icha Icha Syndrome_. A ghost writer had taken over for Jiraiya after his death and continued the series which eventually became a hit television drama. This week Sakuya-chan was going to find out if the father of her baby was her former teacher or classmate. Ibiki couldn't wait.

A polite knock at the door followed by the appearance of Yamashiro Aoba was unexpected but not unwelcome. As one might imagine, not many people came down to interrogation.

By choice, anyway.

It was rare to see a ninja who knocked on doors (why bother knocking when one could just poof from place to place?) but Aoba was a smart man and had been a shinobi of Konoha long enough to know the consequences of suddenly appearing behind Ibiki without notice. The last ANBU who had tried that needed a blood transfusion, two kidney transplants, and six months of emotional therapy with Shizune to recover. "I'm here to pick up the files Tsunade-sama requested."

Ibiki gestured for him to sit while he went through the file cabinet. Aoba hesitated only a moment before taking him up on the offer. He didn't want to be impolite but this place also scared him shitless. _There's no shame in that,_ Aoba told himself, _but put on a brave face._ "Long time no see, Aoba. How's the wife? Still in the Cipher Division?"

Aoba heard a low whimper followed by what sounded like _Mommy_ from the next room. "Ah, well, you know her. She'd rather die under an avalanche of books than on the battlefield so she'll probably be decoding until the end of time." Low, pained moans reached their ears. "I heard Ino-chan is getting engaged," Aoba said conversationally. He hadn't been present for the party since he had been on a mission but his wife had gone and reported back the big news.

"Those are forbidden words," Ibiki chuckled. "She's not too happy about it." Aoba felt very sorry for the person who made Ino unhappy. Like her father, she was a friendly, kind person most of the time but when you pissed those Yamanakas off, there was no telling what they would do.

The woman in question popped her head outside of the interrogation room, startling Aoba, much to his embarrassment. There were splatters of blood on the side of her face and jacket but none of it seemed to be hers. He silently prayed to whatever deity listening that he would never end up here. Aoba would easily choose death over getting interrogated by the people in this division. "I'm going to need a few more minutes, Sensei."

"Take your time. Do a thorough job," Ibiki handed off the files to Aoba and Aoba was immensely proud of himself that his hands stayed steady.

A wet, gurgled scream echoed through the building and then nothing.

"Do you want to stay to watch-?" Ibiki turned back to find Aoba long gone. Alone again, he lamented. But at least he had _Icha Icha Syndrome_ and the sound of a good interrogation to keep him company.

Ibiki did so love his job.

* * *

"So you ran away from home," Kurenai watched with mild interest as Ino dragged two duffel bags into her house. She was impressed that Ino had consolidated her massive wardrobe into two containers but she supposed desperate times called for desperate measures.

Predictably, after the two duffel bags came three potted plants, a lovingly worn stuffed pig plushie that had seen better days, and another massive luggage that was at least three times as large as the duffel bags. "I didn't run," Ino grunted as she struggled to pull the luggage labeled "shoes" past the doorway. "I'm relocating until everyone come to their senses."

Ino had cajoled, begged, and threatened suicide until Kurenai agreed to let her stay over but the dramatics really weren't necessary. Kurenai liked having Ino around. Her daughter worshiped the ground she walked on and Ino was a good cook. This was a game that everyone won. "Isn't it common for people from affluent clans to have arranged marriages?"

From what Asuma had told her about his own clan, arranged marriages were only natural. Clan leaders wanted their children to marry the best possible partners from within the family so that the jutsus would stay secret and there would be no power struggles. Asuma had, of course, given the middle finger to that particular tradition… and just about every other Sarutobi ritual. Kurenai smiled when she thought about her late, rebel husband. He had easily accepted his status of black sheep of the family and, Kurenai suspected, secretly reveled in the infamy.

"But not like this!" Ino scoffed. "This is a conspiracy."

Ino really needed to stop hanging out with Ibiki. He thought the convenient store not having his brand of cigarettes was part of a conspiracy. "So, who did you-?"

Her question was interrupted by the sound of her daughter's enthusiastic call of "I'm home!" from behind Ino, who unearthed yet another potted plant for Kurenai's living room.

"Saki-chan!" Ino trilled, as if she hadn't seen the little girl in a thousand long, lonely years. Kurenai estimated it had been about two weeks.

"Oneechan!" The four year old launched herself into Ino's arms. Kurenai could practically see little pink cartoon hearts and sparkles surrounding the two. "You haven't been by in forever!"

Ino cradled the littlest Sarutobi, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "I was busy with work. Forgive me?" Saki nodded emphatically. With her sweet personality and Asuma's features, Ino didn't think it was possible to love another kid more.

"Ino," Iruka's warm voice finally piped up after Ino and Saki's beautiful reunion. He walked the younger academy shinobi-in-training home after class when their parents were busy or on missions. Nothing had changed since the days Ino was in class, she thought. Same old Iruka-sensei with his same old smiling face.

She balanced Saki on her hip and gave Iruka a slight bow of her head. "Long time no see, Iruka-sensei."

There was that Iruka-sensei smile, all knowing and sweet. Familiar. Calming. "You've been working hard with Ibiki. Good job, Ino." Ino blushed a bit. Even after all these years, it thrilled her to have her academy teacher compliment her. "Congratulations on your engagements, too."

Kurenai slowly turned her head over to the people crowding her doorway. "'Engagement… s'?"

"It was so great to see you Iruka-sensei!" Ino said brightly, shoving him out of the doorway quite rudely. He barely managed to stutter out a goodbye before the door was slammed in his face. "I'm sure you're very busy shaping the minds of our youth so we won't take up anymore of your time! Bye!"

Kurenai was so busy processing Ino's multiple(?) engagements that she didn't seem to notice Iruka getting kicked off her property. "Did he just say engagements? As in more than one?" Kurenai was going to need a drink. A strong one.

"Are you getting married, Ino-'neechan?" Saki asked innocently, brown eyes wide.

"Let's have dinner!" Ino put Saki down and ignored her bags in favor of heading into the kitchen. "My treat since you're letting me stay here!"

Kurenai poured herself a glass of whiskey. It was happy hour somewhere, right? "Oneechan, you're staying here?! Yay!" Bless children with their tiny attention spans. Saki might have forgotten about this marriage talk but Kurenai hadn't. How could Ino be engaged to more than one person? How many people was more than one? Were they all Yamanakas? She had so many questions.

"Yo," a new voice said from the doorway. Kiba had done the classic "knock and walk"—knocked once on the door and then came in before anyone had actually let him in. It was a very Kiba-ish move. Obnoxious as it might have been, it was better than him completely knocking the door down, which he had been known to do in the past. "Going on a mission, Sensei?" he toed one of Ino's bags with his sandal. Akamaru woofed politely in greeting and took a seat in the corner.

From the kitchen came a loud crash. "Ino-'neechan!" Saki cried. "You dropped the pan!"

Kiba's smile turned positively feral, all teeth and mischief. "Oooh? Sensei has a visitor."

Ino finally surfaced, frying pan in hand. Saki squealed in delight and immediately ran to go pet the ever patient Akamaru. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"Can't a guy go visit his old Sensei?" Kiba leered. " _Fiancée Ino_."

Ino raised her frying pan menacingly. Kurenai quickly poured another glass of liquor. This was going to be a multiple drink sort of night. "I never agreed to that!"

Kiba shrugged and made himself comfortable on the couch. He had already unzipped his flak jacket and was helping himself to the snacks Kurenai had laid out. "You could do worse than me."

"I'd rather marry your dog! _He_ at least has good hygiene," the blond pursed her lips together, trying to keep herself in check though she was visibly shaking.

"What're you getting so worked up over? You didn't mind my 'hygiene' that time in Kiri—"

"WE DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT!"

"Kiba," Kurenai finally put her glass down. She was his former teacher. A role model. A wife. A parent. She had to be the anchor of sanity in this sea of chaos. Also, her daughter didn't need to hear about any debauchery in Kiri. "Are you saying that you and Ino are engaged?"

"Yeah—"

"No!"

Kiba munched thoughtfully on his snacks. Ino hissed at him like a feral cat. "Yeah," he said again. "But I'm not the only one. Shikamaru's old man, Chouji's old man, Chouji and Shikamaru picked a bunch and decided to let Ino choose from one of 'em. There's also Neji, Naruto—"

"Shut UP!" Ino launched her stuffed animal right at his face with deadly precision. "JUST SHUT UP! I forbid you to talk any further!"

Kiba laughed and laughed, backing away towards the door (taking the snack bowl with him, what the hell, Kiba?) when Ino started throwing the kunai strapped to her leg at him. She had good aim and he would have liked to keep his manbits in tact to maybe consummate their new found relationship sometime. "Bye, 'niichan!" Saki said brightly. "Bring Akamaru around again to play!"

"Good riddance," Ino muttered when he was finally gone and settled back into the kitchen, grumbling all the while.

Kurenai let this new information process. In summary: Ino had not one fiancé chosen for her but multiple fiancés. Her father and his friends had kept with tradition while giving her a little breathing room.

Multiple fiancés. One of them was Kiba.

One. Of. Them. Was. Kiba.

Kurenai poured herself another drink.

_I better make this one a double._

* * *

Ino was very glad she had her work to throw herself into and _forget_ for just a little while that her life was in shambles. She was the talk of the village: Who would Yamanaka Ino marry? Who was she banging this week? Would she become the wife of the next Hokage? Was there going to be some sort of fiancé exam to see who would win her hand?

People had taken to betting to see who she was going to wind up with and it just made her sick.

She knew that Shikaku, Chouza, and Chouji had good intentions. Chouji loved her more than anyone and wanted the best for her. Shikaku and Chouza loved her but also wanted what was best for the clans. Her father abstained from participating since he didn't believe she was old enough to be considering marriage but really _he_ wasn't ready for Ino to be considering marriage. She wasn't sure where Shikamaru fit into all of this. He probably just wanted to avoid confrontations and work and so went along with this scheme. At the end of the day, he just didn't care, she believed. He cared for her life and her well being as one of her closest friends and teammates but anything deeper than that and he was quick to run away.

Typical man.

Her next assignment was unpleasant, maybe even more unpleasant than her marriage woes but like any good interrogator, she welcomed the pain.

"I'm here to perform your weekly mental health evaluation, Sasuke-kun."

* * *

"Have you heard voices no one else could hear or seen objects or things which others could not see?"

"No."

"Have you been depressed for weeks at a time, lost interest or pleasure in most activities, had trouble concentrating and making decisions, or thought about killing yourself?"

"No."

"Have you had nightmares or flashbacks as a result of being involved in some traumatic event?"

"No."

"Have you given in to an aggressive urge or impulse on more than one occasion that resulted in serious harm to others or led to the destruction of property?"

"… no."

Ino put down her clipboard and studied the man sitting across from her. She had never imagined that Sasuke would be back in Konoha. She didn't think he ever _wanted_ to come back. It had taken helping Naruto to defeat Orochimaru-in-Madara's body and ending the war to get the approval of the villagers to allow him back. It didn't hurt that Naruto had saved Konoha at least a dozen times and they all kind of owed him. Tsunade always had a soft spot for Naruto and allowed Sasuke to come back with certain restrictions. He couldn't leave the village for missions, he would be under constant surveillance by ANBU, and he had to submit to weekly psychological tests given by Ibiki's department. If he broke any of these rules, he would be killed without hesitation.

 _There would be no second chances_ , Sakura had told Ino solemnly.

She wondered what Naruto had said or done to get Sasuke to agree to all these things. Perhaps Sasuke realized that he had nothing left in this world outside of the village. Maybe he really did love Naruto and Sakura and truly regretted what he had done. Maybe he was tired of running and plotting revenge and living for nothing but empty dreams of death and destruction. Whatever the case, nearly four years later, here he was: A citizen of Konoha, if only in name.

Returning home wasn't easy. The villagers put up with him but did not trust him. He spent a lot of his time in his apartment or doing odd jobs around the village when he was allowed. Sometimes he helped at the academy because Iruka could never turn a former student away, no matter how bad they were. Naruto was Hokage-in-Training and before he settled into the life of a leader was off every week doing S-rank missions. Sakura was training hard at the hospital and saving lives. They couldn't watch out for their ex-teammate every second of the day and Sasuke wasn't the type to seek out company. It was probably a lonely life.

"Liar," Ino said lightly. Sasuke's eyes widened a bit in surprise. He was still ridiculously handsome, even more so at twenty than when he was twelve. Too bad he was a village deserting asshole who had almost gotten Chouji—and the rest of the village—killed. She wasn't like Sakura, who was still clinging onto her ideal vision of Sasuke. She wasn't like Sakura who was still madly in love with him despite everything. Ino lived in the real world. She saw him for who— what he was. "These questions are bullshit, anyway. You're not crazy."

"Tell that to your department."

She twirled the pen in her hand. "Narcissistic personality. Suffers from both an inferiority and superiority complex," Ino narrowed her eyes. "Stop me if you've heard this one before."

Ino understood Sasuke. When Asuma had died, Ino had eagerly gone along with Shikamaru and Chouji on their revenge mission against Hidan and Kakuzu. Even if they were doing the village a favor, she wasn't doing it for Konoha. Ino had wanted blood. She wanted her pound of flesh. They had taken something from her and she wanted to return in kind. Sasuke had lost everything and Konoha was to blame. Although Root had disbanded and Danzo was dead, Konoha couldn't pretend their hands were clean. They had helped to make Sasuke into what he was.

"Naruto and Sakura will never see you for what you are," she crossed her legs comfortably. "You know that." Sasuke stayed silent. "They are nice people with good hearts who will always see the best in people."

"I know that."

Ino leaned closer. "Don't fuck this up, Sasuke. Don't hurt this village. Don't hurt our friends. _Do_ _not_ _hurt Sakura_ ," her voice was deadly calm; it was her interrogation voice that was a million miles away from her usual cheerfulness. It was her "I will wreck your life so hard your ancestors will feel it" voice. "Interview over. See you next week, Sasuke-kun," the usual Ino was back, all smiles and humor.

Sasuke said nothing but watched her with renewed interest. Maybe he thought they were birds of a feather—two people pretending to be something else, something palatable for the sake of the people who cared about them.

"Remember what I said, hm?" she tapped her finger against her nose. "Don't forget that not everyone is as nice as your old teammates."

Ibiki did everything for a reason. He had sent her here to teach her some sort of lesson. Maybe it was a tale of caution that if she delved too deeply into the traitorous world of T&I, learned too many of the village's dark secrets, then...

Ino turned back to Sasuke's apartment. He hadn't moved an inch since she left. If Ino didn't know better, she might have felt sorry for him.

Was this a cautionary tale or was it a glimpse into her own future?

* * *

Friday nights were reserved for girls' nights, every week, every month, without fail, unless one of them was on a mission. Every Friday Tenten, Sakura, Ino, and Hinata got together to discuss love and life and complain about everyone they hated (Tenten, Sakura, and Ino mostly did the complaining while Hinata silently listened) and it was the best therapy a kunoichi could wish for. Tonight it was just Sakura, Tenten and Ino, since Hinata was off on a mission. They were holed up in the corner of the bar closest to Kurenai's house, huddled together in serious discussion.

"So, are we going to discuss how Ino is engaged to every eligible bachelor in Konoha or…?" Tenten nodded a thanks to Sakura, who refilled her glass with beer. News traveled fast, Ino thought wryly. Tenten's ANBU work kept her so busy, she was almost surprised that Tenten caught wind of the situation.

 _Almost surprised_ , since no one loved gossip more than Tenten. She had probably gotten carrier hawks to give her updates while she was hiding in some trenches on an S-rank assassination mission.

"Not every, just a few," Ino waved her hand. "Kiba, Neji, Naruto… maybe some distant cousins…"

Sakura choked on her wine. "Naruto? Are you serious?"

"I didn't get a choice in the matter!" Ino put her hands up defensively. "What's the big deal? It's not like any of them will go for it." Though it would serve Shikamaru and the others right if they _all_ decided they wanted to marry her. No doubt Shikamaru thought that none of these matches would work out and thusly would manage to avoid both Ino and her father's wrath.

Tenten tapped her chin. "But doesn't Neji's dad like you? He was seriously impressed with your skills in the war. Maybe he likes you enough to overlook the fact that you're not a Hyuuga."

"No way! If Neji is going be the head of the clan, he has to marry within the clan to preserve the Byakugan, right?" Ino's eyebrows furrowed in worry. They had this discussion/argument nearly every other week since they were teenagers. Tenten always had feelings for Neji but had given up without a fight because of his inevitable political marriage. Ino wanted Tenten to fight for her love but Tenten was a realist. She had zero clan backing, no lineage, no prestige. It wasn't going to happen, no matter how much she had wanted it.

"Maybe he's confident that his obviously superior genes will override yours," Sakura said dryly. Ino threw a crumpled up napkin at her.

"This is so frustrating," Ino groaned. "Shikamaru and Shikaku-ojisan are masterminding this whole thing. They think I'm going to just lie down and take this! Damn their genius."

Sakura looked thoughtful. "You may not be a genius but you're manipulative and cunning—"

"Gee, thanks."

"—and sometimes that can beat pure genius. I'm sure you can think of a way out of this. Just be your usual devious self."

Sakura was right. Ino was manipulative and cunning. That's what she did for a living! Shikamaru might have been able to read a thousand moves ahead but there was one thing he always had trouble predicting: Ino's feelings. "That just gave me a great idea."

"Uh oh," Sakura and Tenten chorused.

Ino ignored them. "I should get along with the fiancés! _All_ of them."

"All of them?" Sakura squeaked.

" _All of them_."

* * *

"Oh, Kiba," Ino slinked over to the table inside Yakiniku-Q where Kiba, Shino, Shikamaru, and Chouji were sitting. She had done a little recon and found out that they were having lunch there together.

Perfect.

Ino was sporting a skirt so short that it could have passed for a hair band. "I've been thinking about what you said."

"What I said?" Kiba's attention was immediately on Ino's bare legs. That skirt, if one could call it that, had to be illegal. It was a weapon of mass destruction that could give a man a heart attack without fail. Ino put her arm around Kiba and leaned in intimately. Shikamaru and Chouji gaped openly. Shino watched with mild interest. "I say a lot of stuff."

"About how I could do much worse than you," Ino pressed a lingering kiss to his cheek. Chouji choked on a rib. Shikamaru continued to stare. Shino moved on to stirring his tea. "Let's get along… _fiancé_."

_Checkmate._


	3. Honest Lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks again for all the encouragement! Scene 1 was edited/semi-co-written by my sister, so special thanks to her for that. :D Onward to fic~!
> 
> Rating: M for language, violence (of the Torture and Interrogation kind), and adult situations.  
> Disclaimer: Naruto is still not mine, but Kishimoto's. Sad :[

Although she was still angry, Ino resolved to make up with her father and uncles before her father drowned himself in a river of tears (or alcohol). It had been three days since she moved out and according to her mother, Inoichi had been sulking around the flower shop like a child and it was bad for business. He was not only upset that his princess was angry with _him_ and potentially getting married to some low-life hooligan (since Naruto was going to be Hokage someday soon and saved the village a bunch of times he wasn't quite a low-life but still a hooligan, in Inoichi's humble opinion), but men kept coming into the shop and sending formal requests for her hand.

Inoichi was not a happy man.

Her mother shoved her towards her father, who was walking into the greenhouse as if walking to his death sentence. Ino felt a pang of guilt. Damn her soft heartedness. "Fix this."

Ino approached cautiously. Like Ino, Inoichi could be very emotionally volatile. She didn't think her heart could take him bursting into tears. "Daddy—"

"You don't understand how hard it is to be a parent," Inoichi dropped the roses he was holding and clutched her to him, his cheek resting on the top of her head. "I only want the best for you."

"I know. It's okay. I'm not angry anymore. And I'm not running to get married right this second, either."

Her father gave her a beautiful, relieved smile. Ino always knew the right things to say to her father. She had _all_ the men in her life wrapped around her little finger but Inoichi even more so. She has once gotten him to travel all the way to Wind to get her a particular kind of rice cake. That was devotion. "That's right, you're still young. You have plenty of time."

He practically danced back to his work in the greenhouse, whistling as he did his gardening. _So easy_ , Ino thought with a laugh. Men were so easy.

"Mom, I'm off today. I'll work the register until closing," Ino offered graciously. Her mother looked haggard and in desperate need of some time off. She felt guilty; ever since she had starting training with Ibiki, she hadn't spent much time working at the family shop. Ino vowed to be a little less selfish and help out more.

Her mother's frown lines deepened considerably. "I don't know if that's such a good idea."

Ino looked bewildered. "Eh? Why? I didn't forget how to count money and give change."

The older woman pointed outside, where a small group of men were gathering under the awning of their store. Ino recognized two of her second cousins but she was fairly sure that she had never so much as exchanged a "hello" with the rest of them. "If they're here to ask for your hand in marriage, make sure they actually _buy_ some flowers."

"Oh, don't worry, I will. I'm very good at convincing people to do things," Ino said innocently.

A half hour and ten purchases later, Ino flipped through the bills in the cash register, feeling very proud of handiwork. Not only had she managed to dodge ten potential proposals but she was going to get a very nice commission from these sales.

"It looks like you're working hard."

Ino looked up from the stack of bills. Standing in front of her was one Shiranui Genma, chewing on a senbon and looking gorgeous as always. Her eyes went straight to his mouth. That oral of fixation of his had not escaped her memory. "Genma," she raised her eyebrows. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to ask you to dinner."

Her head snapped up but she really shouldn't have been surprised. Genma was never very subtle about these things. "With you?"

"No, Ino. With Itachi."

Ino snorted. "I haven't gotten so desperate that I need to turn to necrophilia. But why would you ask me out after you broke up with me not so long ago?"

He rolled his eyes. "You have this nasty habit of rewriting history. _You_ broke up with _me_."

"So I did," she said lightly. "Well, this is awkward."

It wasn't, not really. She always felt a certainly calmness around Genma, a calmness that she so desperately needed and he was more than happy to provide. But the calm quickly turned into monotony, and monotony into restlessness, and while he was looking to settle down, she was determined to keep moving.

Ino looked at him and realized with a start that she still cared about him. What could one little dinner hurt? As an added bonus, it would annoy just about every man in her life.

Genma reached over and touched her cheek. "I know all of the ways you can dance around giving a straight answer, so let's just get to the point. Dinner. I promise, no marriage proposals."

God, he was sexy. It was too hard to say no. It took willpower that she just didn't have. "Okay. Sounds nice. Pick me up at eight."

"I've missed you, Ino."

She could feel herself melting under his gaze. It wasn't fair that after all this time he still had this effect on her. That stupid mouth of his should have been illegal. "Genma—"

"Well. Until then," he couldn't help but give her a quick kiss on the cheek before heading off.

"I thought you got rid of him months ago, Ino," Inoichi said from behind one of their displays where he was conveniently spying on his daughter. "I'm sorry that I ever allowed you to date someone ten years your senior!"

"Daddy, he had to go through you, Shikaku-ojisan, Chouza-ojisan, Chouji, AND Shikamaru before you let him take me out. You know he's a good man."

Inoichi pulled his daughter in for another hug. "I know, but I worry about you. You're my only child, my baby girl. Older men date younger girls for only one reason— "

"Daddy, please."

"Okay, okay… just remember. Kunai plus groin equals… well, you get the point."

"Daddy."

"And you can put poison just about anywhere—"

"Dad!"

* * *

Kiba was arguably the dumbest out of the group of potential fiancés which made him the easiest to get close to. He was a simple man with simple wants and needs. He liked to fight, he liked to eat, he liked to play with dogs, and he really, really liked to have sex. He was brutally honest and loyal and was, well, as stupid as a puppy. There was no need to lie or trick him. If she got him hooked enough, no matter how many times she kicked him, he would eventually come crawling back.

That was kind of hot.

_I am really turning into a sadist,_ Ino thought as she unbuttoned a second button on her top. Kiba was a very visual guy. A little extra skin could only work in her favor. Ino had done her research, like any good recon ninja. The trick was to be subtle. Kiba was not to sort of person who liked women who were overly done up but he also wasn't above checking out a sexy girl in a skirt who walked past him. Balance. Yes, that was the key.

She looked at herself in the mirror, giving her long hair an extra fluff. She did look damn sexy, if she did say so herself. A fishnet bodysuit underneath a short buttoned up dress accentuated her legs and, of course, with those two buttons unbuttoned, her cleavage was impressive (made even more impressive with the wonders of double-sided tape and a very supportive bra).

Poor guy, Ino chuckled to herself as she slid on a bracelet. He had no idea what he was getting into.

"Sorry to keep you waiting~!" Ino waved to Kiba, who stopped dead in his tracks as soon as she was in his peripheral view. _Excellent_. "Where do you want to go?"

"I have to look in on the puppies at my place first, since Ma and 'neechan are out on missions," Kiba took the bait, just as Ino predicted, and zeroed in on her chest. Then the swell of her hips. Then the length of her legs. The poor guy was going to give himself whiplash if he wasn't careful. He had made no comment on her outfit, of course—expected, since Kiba was just that sort of guy—but he was digging it, that much was obvious.

Ino shrugged and leaned down to give Akamara a scratch behind the ears. Kiba's eyes followed her every movement. "I don't mind. I'll come help you." Hm. Going to his house when no one was home wasn't part of the plan since no one would be able to see them together but it was just a slight detour. What harm could it do? It wasn't like Ino had no self control. She wouldn't just rip his clothes off and have her way with him, that was just _silly_.

She had to follow through with her plan as if it were an S-rank mission. Get in, get out, be precise and effective.

Ino would most definitely, under no circumstances, sleep with Kiba.

* * *

The next morning, Ino was awoken by the sounds of a naked Kiba snoring next to her.

_Well, that was an epic failure._

Not a total failure, she reassured herself. Just a small setback. Now if she could only find her bra…

Her dress was completely ruined. Kiba had gotten a little overenthusiastic (he apparently hadn't gotten laid in nearly 6 months because he had been so busy with missions and living at home with his very nosy and loud mom wasn't exactly conducive to luring a girl into his room) and ripped all the buttons clean off. Her fishnet was in tatters. Her shoes were MIA.

Ino stared up at the ceiling. Why did she make such terrible life choices all the time? She was older now. She was supposed to be mature and wise and all that crap that Sakura spouted at her. She would have to agree that it was neither mature nor wise to bang Inuzuka Kiba.

To avoid further complications, Ino would have to use all of her ninja skills to get out of the house before Kiba woke up. She was a Jounin, for God's sake. Why was she fumbling like this? This was a piece of cake. She found her underwear (thank God—what if Tsume had come home and found it? Ino would just _die_ ) and would just have to improvise the rest. It was fine. Everything was fine! Ino would just borrow a shirt and pants from Kiba and deny it later. It was cool.

_Get out get out get out_ was the mantra on her mind as she slid into the stolen clothes. _Get out get out get out of the house!_

Akamaru looked up at Ino questioningly when she tried to step over him. Ino put her fingers to her lips. "I will buy you as many treats as you want later," Ino whispered. "Just be quiet, okay?"

The dog lied back down and Ino breathed a sigh of relief. Kiba stirred in his sleep, grunted, but didn't wake. This wasn't good for her heart. She needed to _get out get out get_ _out_ ASAP STAT.

"Home free, Yamanaka," Ino pumped her fist triumphantly when she made it out into the hallway.

"Good morning, Ino-chan," Inuzuka Hana said cheerfully.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Ino flattened her back against the wall, a subconscious action to cover her vulnerable spots in the face of an enemy. Her heart was beating wildly. Interestingly enough, Kiba still didn't wake up. She must have worked him over harder last night than she thought. Clearly, she had made the right move introducing chakra enhanced ropes into foreplay. _Not now, Ino. Focus_. "Ha-ha-hana-san?!"

If there was anything weird about Ino sneaking out of her little brother's room at six AM wearing his clothes, Hana's face didn't show it. "Sorry, did I surprise you?"

Ino swallowed heavily. "I thought you were on a mission."

"I came back a few hours ago," Hana explained, almost apologetically.

"And your mom…?"

"Still gone."

This was embarrassing but it wasn't the worst scenario. Hana was kind and understanding. "I'm really sorry for disturbing you when you're tired from your mission, Hana-san, so I'm just going to—"

"Are you hungry? I was just about to have some breakfast," Hana put her arm around Ino's shoulder.

"No, I'm really not—"

Hana's arm tightened but her smile remained. Ino was genuinely terrified. "I _insist_."

* * *

Her Morning After breakfast with Hana wasn't completely terrible but it was still embarrassing as hell. Hana was pleasant but there was an ever present undercurrent of _What are your intentions with my little brother_? in her questions that made Ino wince. She stammered her way through the meal ( _Awesome job, master interrogator, Ibiki-sensei would be so proud, you loser_ ) and all but ran out when it was over, eager to get her walk of shame over with.

Now Ino was at a loss. She couldn't go back to Kurenai's house wearing Kiba's clothes. She certainly couldn't go home. She couldn't go to Sakura's because Sakura would just lecture her. The T&I office wasn't open yet. Tenten was out on a mission. There was no way she was going to the Hyuuga house like this.

Therefore, it was perfectly logical for her to be breaking into her teammate's room, Ino told herself as she jimmied open Shikamaru's window. Not weird or illegal at all. Besides, Shikamaru slept like the dead. He probably wouldn't even notice her. No big deal! The plan was still on, everything was great, and Ino was fine.

"Can't you walk through the door like a normal person?" Shikamaru asked from his bed, not bothering to open his eyes.

This was not Ino's morning. "Um, I'm just a very clever genjutsu," Ino waved her hands around. "I'm not _really_ here."

He snorted.

"This is a dream?"

"You mean a nightmare," Shikamaru rolled over onto his side but didn't protest any further.

Ino rummaged through Shikamaru's drawers. She was almost positive that she had left a change of clothes here. "Where are Obasan and Ojisan?"

"Feeding the deer."

"Can I take a shower?"

"Whatever, just let me sleep," Shikamaru grumbled, hiding his face with his pillow. Ino felt a little bad for interrupting him on his day off. But only a little. She was still upset with him for the whole "picking her fiancé" thing, not to mention he had been colder than usual to her and that hurt. Where did he get off thinking that he could ignore her? Brat.

She found her clothes and made a little triumphant noise. "By the way, Shikamaru…?"

"You're not going to let me sleep, are you." It was more of a comment than a question. They both knew the answer.

"Who did you pick for me?"

"…"

Ino waited. For some reason, she really wanted to know. "Shikamaru?"

"Ramen shop guy," Shikamaru burrowed under his blankets. Only his messy hair was visible over the comforter.

She swatted him with her clothes. Ino knew he was smirking under there. "You're an ass."

"Yeah, yeah."

* * *

Next on Ino's hit list was Neji. He was a harder nut to crack, even if he had softened a bit over the years. Short skirts and makeout sessions wouldn't win him over. She had to be more serious than playful, more beautiful than sexy, but most of all she had to outwit him. It wasn't easy to outwit a genius but then again, Ino had practice. She couldn't even remember the number of times she had emotionally blackmailed Shikamaru into doing something for her.

She had this in the bag.

"Okay, look," Ino started. They were staring at each other over a table in the Hyuuga House, drinking tea, and pretending to be respectable adults (at least Ino was). Hiashi had welcomed her warmly (weird) and Neji had agreed to meet with her about this potential marriage (weirder) so she had to make the best of the situation. "I know you're busy with missions and clan duties so I'm going to make this brief."

Neji nodded his head. He clearly liked the sound of "brief".

"I'm not saying we have to get married but your uncle likes me and you're being primed to lead this clan. It probably wouldn't be in your best interest to go against him."

"I suppose so," he said carefully.

"Sooo, I propose that we get to know each other a little better when we're not busy with work, which will satisfy your uncle and won't interfere with your lifestyle. Later I can take the blame and then tell him that I turned you down. Everyone wins. Isn't it a good plan?"

Ino thought so. Neji was absolutely gorgeous and this way, they could have a no-strings-attached relationship all while getting revenge on her uncles, father, and teammates. The sex that she would eventually have with him was just the cherry on top. Ino was already thinking up ways they could use the Byakugan in bed.

Neji's face remained stoic. "Alright. I agree."

"NEJI!" Lee literally burst through the bamboo doors, leaving a Lee-shaped hole in his wake. Ino almost had a heart attack. Even Neji looked surprised. "YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED?!"

"What are you doing here?" Neji finally showed an emotion—utter annoyance. "And why couldn't you have just _opened_ the door?"

"Ino-san!" Lee grasped Ino's hands in his, tears streaming down his face. Was that snot? Someone kill her now. "I beg you, please make an honest man out of Neji! However, remember to keep your love pure before the wedding! You have to promise to cherish him as you both go through the springtime of your youth and eventually spend the winter of your… of your…"

"Adulthood?" Ino supplied.

"Yes! The winter of your adulthood, wearing kimonos and walking hand in hand in the garden-! Ahhhh I'm so jealous! SAKURA-SAAAAAN!" Lee cried even harder, lamenting his fate as an eternal bachelor. Ino patted his shoulder awkwardly.

Was every date with Neji going to have Lee—or worse, Gai-sensei?— as a chaperone?

_Is this karma?_ Ino thought as Lee sobbed unashamedly into her lap. _I must have done something very bad in a past life to deserve this._

* * *

Last on her list was Naruto.

Ah, Naruto. Sweet, strong, naïve Naruto. He was more perceptive than he looked, which meant tricking him was out. To be honest, he wasn't the sort of guy she _wanted_ to trick, either. Even Ino, cynical and diabolical as she was, couldn't look him in the face and be cruel to him. He was adorable and kindhearted.

And a _total_ virgin, Ino was sure of it. She could work with that.

The plan was they would meet in a place that he liked (Ichiraku, of course) and Ino would charm the orange pants right off of him. He might have been the Hokage-in-training but Naruto was a 20 year old man and a horny one at that. She knew that this was a dangerous plan because Naruto tended to get attached to the women he liked (re: Sakura) but the higher the risk, the higher the reward, right? He was a stupidly forgiving person when it came to his friends (re: Sasuke), so Ino was sure they could part ways amicably when all was said and done.

Ino shoved all her feelings of guilt aside (thoughts like _Oh God, Hinata and Tenten and all the rest of the people she was probably hurting with this little game of hers_ ) and focused at the task on hand. What did Naruto like about Sakura? Sakura was genuine and smart and punched him a lot. Naruto was a little bit of a masochist which was perfect, because Ino was a little bit of a sadist. Naruto was also dense with the delicacy of a freight train so Ino would have to be very up front with him about what she wanted.

"I thought about just showing up wearing a ramen bikini," Ino joked. "It might get you interested."

Naruto laughed, mid-slurp of his soup. "I think only a blind guy wouldn't be interested in you, though I dunno if I'd say no to a ramen bikini." He paused. "I was kind of surprised you wanted to eat ramen with me, though."

"Why not? Everyone has to eat. Besides, we're engaged," Ino broke her chopsticks. "It wouldn't hurt your chances to buy me a bowl once in a while."

He rubbed the back of his neck, his cheeks turning pink. It was kind of cute. "Is that for real?"

"Hm, I wonder."

The hand that wasn't holding her chopsticks dropped under the table, resting on Naruto's knee. A piece of fish fell inelegantly out of his mouth. "Careful," Ino pointed to her own face. Her other hand slid up onto his thigh. "You have a bit—right here—"

"Oh," Naruto's voice sounded very high, as if he was going through puberty for the first time. "Right. T-thanks."

"You're welcome," Ino said warmly, enjoying her bowl of ramen immensely.

Men?

Men were _so_ easy.


	4. Impasse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I usually try to get out a chapter every two weeks but these past couple of weeks have been crazy for me with a death in the family and the ridiculous Blizzard Nemo. It's a shorter but necessary chapter. There's also a lot of capslock (blame Sakura and Naruto :D) Enjoy!
> 
> Rating: M for language, violence (of the Torture and Interrogation kind) and adult situations.  
> Disclaimer: Naruto is still sadly, not mine, but Kishomoto's.

Her father had warned her early on that many people would be opposed to her joining the T&I division. For the most part, the other Special Jounin loved Ino (Out of the fifteen or so shinobi in the department, men outnumbered women nearly five to one) and were deliriously happy to have the future head of the Yamanaka clan amongst them. Once Inoichi started slowing down missions and Intel work, other clan members had been brought in to take his place but none of them had his particular mind and memory reading skills. Only Ino, who had trained directly under him and had always excelled at using their secret techniques, could ever hope to match his speed and precision.

As good as Ino was, as much potential as there was for her to be greater, there were certain shinobi who were tired of being under the command of a Yamanaka. It didn't seem fair that they had a monopoly over T&I. They felt that the Yamanaka jutsus gave them an unfair advantage and in turn, the Yamanaka clan had the most access to valuable Intel information. Most of them didn't have the guts to confront Ino; instead there were some mumbles and grumbles and the occasional rumor about _how_ exactly she got Ibiki to take her on as an apprentice (most of them involved the secret bondage chamber that they were sure Ibiki had in the basement of his house).

She pretended that it didn't bother her, that she was blind to the fact that if she were a man instead of a woman it would be a non-issue, but it killed her. How much harder did she have to work until they realized that she had real talent? That she _could_ do this? How many more excruciating headaches and nosebleeds and chakra exhaustion did she have to endure until they recognized her as a future leader?

"Well, well, if it isn't the Princess of T&I. Deigning to do mere paperwork and hang out with the commoners?"

Of course, she was stuck on duty with the most annoying guy in T&I. He in particular made his distaste for her known to all, which suited Ino just fine. She preferred to face her opponents head on.

Codename: Iga. Real name: Unknown. He was an ANBU transplant, much like Yamato had been for Naruto's team, which made Ino even more frustrated because his records were sealed tightly and even Sakura, the Hokage's right hand man, couldn't dig up dirt on him. He was the perfect ANBU: Average height, average build, short brown hair, somewhere between the ages of 25-35, no discerning features, scars, or marks.

 _Annoying_.

"I'm busy. Find someone else to harass. Or better yet—do some work of your own," Ino said nonchalantly, not looking up from her work. She willed herself not to get emotional. That was always her downfall. She was quick to anger, quick to attack, but she was working on it, really, she was. Ino thought of quiet lakes and butterflies and cupcakes. She was zen.

He reached over the desk and fingered some of the hair that had fallen out of her braid. Ino nearly hit the roof. Iga was trying to intimidate her. Humiliate her. She thought of Ino-Shika-Chou karaoke. Barbecue with Asuma. Playing dolls with Saki-chan. "I've heard about your busyness, Princess. Engaged to not one but _two_ potential future clan leaders and the next Hokage? How impressive."

Ino took a deep breath. Shopping. Feeding the Nara deer. Sleepovers with Sakura. "Well, you know me. I work hard for what I want. And what I want? Is the best."

He absently twirled her hair through his fingers. "Ah, yes. A woman of your stature could never settle for 'mediocre'. Is that your price? Fame? Power? A whole division under your command?"

"Whatever my price may be," Ino took out her kunai and swiftly cut the strands of hair that he was touching. "It's much too expensive for the likes of _you_."

Iga laughed heartily, looking down at the golden hair that Ino had cut off. Like his touch had made it _diseased_ and she had to cut it off before it infected the rest of her. His smile was cold. "Enjoy this all while you can. There will come a day when the idiots in this department finally wake up and Ibiki will be forced to reconsider his decisions."

"Is that a threat?" Ino rose from her chair. She hoped it was a threat so there was a good reason for her to punch her coworker in the face.

He leaned in closer. Ino resisted the urge to spit in his face. "Why don't you read my mind and find out?"

That _asshole_. It was near impossible to get through the seals and genjutsu traps in a Konoha ANBU's mind. Her father might be able to do it on a good day but even Ino wasn't confident that she could get out of there unscathed. "Why don't _you_ piss off?"

"As you wish, Princess," Iga mock bowed to her before exiting the room in a puff of smoke.

Ino sat back down at her desk, her hands shaking as she continued to write her reports.

_Flower arrangement. The look on Sakura's face when she finds that hickey on Naruto's neck. Expensive high heeled sandals._

* * *

It gave Ino little comfort to know that she was not the only one dealing with the political bullshit that plagued their adult lives. On her way to the Hokage's office to give Tsunade T&I's weekly report (yet another chore that Ibiki gave her to do for "training" but Ino was beginning to think that he just didn't want to miss his soap opera), she was stopped by a female ANBU outside her door.

"You don't want to go in there," ANBU Codename: Panda told her. "Trust me."

"WHAT DO YA MEAN THAT YOU'RE NOT GONNA SEND MORE AID TO SUNA!?" A familiar voice boomed.

"Although we worked together during the war and our relationship is stable, we still have our own economy to think about—"

"OUR ECONOMY IS FINE! THEY'RE OUR ALLIES AND THEY'RE STRUGGLING, DAMMIT!"

Ino winced both at the volume of Naruto's voice and the weight of his words. Of the hidden ninja villages, Suna had always been the poorest in terms of money, military strength and sheer numbers. Ever since the Fourth Shinobi War where they had lost manpower and depleted their few resources, they had been unable to get back on their feet without the help of their closest allies, Konoha. From what Naruto had told Shikamaru (and in turn, Shikamaru told Ino), the council wanted to cut off Suna financially once and for all.

 _That's the way of the ninja world_ , Shikamaru had explained calmly, while Ino was predictably outraged. _At the end of the day it's a business. Regimes end every day. Who's to say the next Kazekage will be our ally? They want to cut their losses_.

Tsunade had been strangely quiet on the matter. Maybe she had wanted to give Naruto as taste of what being Hokage was really like. It wasn't just wars and battle and glory. It was bureucratic red tape and betrayal and making the hard decisions no one else wanted to.

"Want to go for a drink later?" Ino asked Panda, dodging a potted plant that had flown _through_ the door.

"Can't; Sasuke duty," Panda's ceramic mask shielded her from the splintered wood of the door but a few shards had caught in her hair buns. "I have a twelve hour shift."

Ino didn't bother to hide her disgust. "Ridiculous. I can't believe we're wasting precious manpower on a depressed—"

The door (or what was left of it), finally flew open. Ino guessed their argument had come to a stalemate. Either that or Tsunade had punched Naruto out of the office for sending a potted plant through her door. Sakura told her that property damage usually came out of Tsunade's gambling funds and she was not a happy Hokage when that happened.

Now Ino could give her report and go back to her house, put on pajamas, and eat a gallon of pudding while angrily cursing her job and life. Maybe she would make Chouji come over and cook for her and tell her that she was the prettiest girl in the village. It was the best kind of therapy.

"We're out of here!" Naruto suddenly grabbed Ino, pulling her along as he stomped out of the tower.

"W-wait! My report!" More importantly: Her _pudding_.

Panda gave Ino a parting wave suddenly feeling very, very sorry for her friend.

"OI! DON'T JUST STAND THERE! HELP FIX THE DOOR!" Kotetsu and Izumo ran past Panda, scrambling to get materials before their Hokage unleashed her misplaced fury on them. Technically, it wasn't part of ANBU's duties to play handyman but Panda valued her life too much to argue with an irate Tsunade.

_Just another dysfunctional day in Konoha._

* * *

"CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?!"

"Naruto—"

"THOSE JERKS ACTUALLY WANT TO LET SUNA GO COMPLETELY BROKE! STARVE! DIE! AFTER GAARA WORKED SO HARD!"

"Naruto—"

"IT WAS FINE TO TEAM UP WITH THEM WHEN WE NEEDED THEM BUT NOW THAT WE DON'T, WE'RE JUST GOING TO ABANDON THEM!?"

"Naruto—"

"DAMN IT! THOSE STUPID, SENILE, OLD FARTS THINKING THEY KNOW EVERYTHING—"

"NA. RU. TO!" Ino screamed. "Will you put me down?!

Naruto blinked and looked down to see Ino was dangling from under one of his arms, her face red from embarrassment and annoyance. "How did you get there? Hey! How did we get to my apartment?

She shoved him once he put her back down on the ground. "You went on a tirade like a lunatic and kidnapped me from the Hokage Tower," Ino brushed herself off, ignoring the looks from the people around them. She was going to be the topic of gossip again. Great. "I was trying to give my report and go home!"

He laughed a bit nervously, rubbing the back of his head. "Sorry, sorry, I get a little caught up sometimes."

Ino snorted. "You think?"

"Wanna come in?" Naruto asked hopefully, rant momentarily forgotten. Ino was about to refuse and yell at him some more but he was looking at her so adorably with big eyes and a matching smile. Whoever said Naruto had no game when it came to girls had clearly underestimated him.

Damn that _smile_.

She breezed past him into his place against her better judgment. One day she would start making good decisions in her personal life. Today was _not_ that day. "You better have something more to eat than instant ramen."

"I do! Look in the fridge!" he said happily. "I even cleaned!"

Her chest ached. She had to tread carefully—if she was careless, Naruto would actually steal her heart (Seriously, he had won the hearts of an entire village and 99% of his enemies, so it wasn't unheard of) and that was unacceptable. But looking at him so excited to have someone— _her_ —at his place made her feel…

… like she was _such_ a bad person.

Ino dropped down onto his bed since there was nowhere else to sit in his one room apartment and looked up at the ceiling. There was a poster of some scantily clad ninja from _Icha Icha Syndrome_. It made her laugh; even though Naruto was the savior of their village—of their world, she reminded herself—he was still such a kid at heart. He wanted to believe in the good of people but more importantly he wanted to help everyone he could. That's why she understood his anger at the council, even if logically they were right. Why couldn't there be a little light in the shadows of the ninja world? Just a little?

He lied down next to her, their shoulders touching. His brow furrowed in worry. "Do you think they'll really pull all aid to Suna?"

"I don't know," Ino said honestly. "But you can't just punch your way through every problem if you're going to be Hokage, you know? You just have to appeal to the council on Suna's behalf. Maybe show them that we need them just as much as they need us." Ino wanted to believe, too, maybe a bit foolishly, that Naruto could convince the council to keep helping Suna until they were stable.

She was not like Shikamaru, who could easily cast away his emotions in favor of logic. His sometimes-sort-of girlfriend lived in Suna as the Kagekage's sister and he still didn't get angry or upset or even annoyed which was his default emotion. Ino wondered if anything could incite some sort of passionate feeling in him.

Naruto rolled to his side and up onto his elbows, looking down at her with _that_ expression again. Lost, nervous, lonely, but just a little hopeful. She reached up and put her hand on his head, giving him a reassuring smile. He gave her a brilliant smile back before leaning down and kissing her.

Oh boy, Ino thought as Naruto eagerly reached for the hem of her shirt, Sakura was going to kill her

* * *

Since Asuma died, Shikamaru had very few shougi partners. Most people gave up the hope that they could ever beat him and so avoided it all together. Some people (mostly Ino) were such sore losers that they had been banned from playing shougi all together because they beat up Shikamaru whenever they lost and he was tired of waking up in a pool of his own blood because of a checkmate.

Sakura was a good sport, however, and sometimes came over to play against Shikamaru. She realized that it wasn't about winning—it was more about losing less and less badly each time. It was a good lesson in humility and it was a nice change of pace from her hectic life. They barely spoke as they played and that suited them both just fine.

Not today. Today, Sakura had _things_ to say.

"Did you notice that Ino is currently dating Neji, Kiba, and Naruto?" she asked mildly, accepting a rice cracker from Chouji. He and Shikaku were in the background relaxing and taking in the scenery (aka slacking off) while Yoshino was off doing errands.

Chouji and Shikaku looked at each other warily. They started inching away as a precaution, feeling the heat of anger radiate off of Sakura. She was very volatile, not to mention obscenely strong. One wrong move and they would all be sharing a hospital room.

"Hm," was all Shikamaru said, moving his next piece.

"'Hm'?" Sakura repeated, her smile bright. "'Hm'? Is that all you have to say?"

Shikamaru looked up at her, eyebrows cocked in confusion. "Hm?"

Sakura stood up and flipped—yes, _flipped_ —the shougi table right in Shikamaru's face. Chouji and Shikaku disappeared, have run away to avoid Sakura's wrath moments earlier. _Cowards_. Shikamaru held his aching, bleeding nose, his expression clearly asking _What the hell?_

"ARE YOU STUPID?"

"That was my grandfather's shougi set," Shikamaru wiped his nose with his sleeve. He was seeing stars from that surprise attack and the shougi pieces littered the front of the Nara house. It would take forever to pick them up. _Troublesome. This_ is why he didn't like to associate with women. "An antique."

Sakura was beyond reason, her chakra blazing behind her like a storm. Well, Shikamaru thought, he lived a pretty good life. He could use his shadow jutsus to restrain her but Sakura's chakra reserves and control were superior to his. It would only buy him time. Maybe this was finally how he was going to die.

"What were you thinking?! All of you!" Sakura clenched her fists and Shikamaru winced, imagining being hit by them. "You've unleashed Hurricane Ino and her terrible life choices! She's ruining everything for everyone and it's YOUR fault! Kiba is one thing but NARUTO? He's so dumb sometimes he doesn't even know when he is being played! And _Neji_! Ino is going to be the downfall of the entire Hyuuga clan!"

Shikamaru shook some shougi pieces out of his turtleneck. He truly doubted that the entire village was going to implode because Ino screwed a few future clan leaders but he wasn't about to voice that out loud. He might actually get out of this alive if Sakura was feeling generous. "It's not my fault. Blame tradition."

"NO I AM BLAMING YOU AND _YOU KNOW WHY,"_ Sakura shrieked. "You let this happen! You KNOW what kind of person she can be! You're the only one she'll listen to!"

They both knew: Selfish, arrogant, conniving, petty. Ino would do _anything_ to get what she wanted and didn't care who got in her way. It made her a great interrogator and a not so great person sometimes.

"She's going to do what she wants regardless of what I think or say," Shikamaru pointed out. "Ino always does whatever she wants."

Sakura wished so badly she could just punch him into the stratosphere. For a smart guy, he could be so stupid. "ALL I AM SAYING IS THAT YOU—YOU _ALL_ —BETTER FIX THIS, GOT IT!?" The medic shook her fist. "OR _ELSE_."

With that, Sakura stomped off, leaving a trail of broken shougi pieces in her wake.

"You pissed off the wrong kunoichi," Shikaku whispered from his safe spot behind a tree.

"Thanks for the back up," Shikamaru said dryly. At least his nose had stopped bleeding. Now to pick up the rest of his shougi set before the deer tried to eat them. "It's good to know I can count on my old man to have my back."

"Anytime, son."


	5. "Tadaima"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: "Tadaima" is the basic Japanese greeting for when you return home from school or work or even when you just haven't seen someone in a long time. In the case of the latter, you aren't necessarily talking about returning home to a physical place, rather you are returning home to the person you care about.
> 
> Rating: M for language, violence (of the Torture and Interrogation kind), and adult situations.  
> Disclaimer: Naruto is still not mine, but Kishimoto's. Sad :[

Ibiki had to physically remove Ino from headquarters and threaten her with indefinite Sasuke duty to convince her to take a day off. She had been overusing her jutsus again (Ino could almost hear Sakura screeching at her about chakra reserves and self-control and blah blah blah) which resulted in a lot of unattractive nosebleeds. Apparently ANBU Bear, who had come to collect classified files for Tsunade, did not appreciate having to handle paperwork that looked like it had lived through the Uchiha Massacre.

"What a baby. He skewers people with a sword for a living," Ino muttered to the flower arrangement she was working on. "Everyone's a critic."

"How do you decide which flowers to use in your arrangement?" interrupted Hyuuga Neji. He was politely sipping tea from her mother's best ceramics and watching her serenely. They were supposed to go on a "date" today but honestly? Ino had no idea what Neji did for fun. Did Neji even _believe_ in fun?

Inoichi quietly lurked in the background pretending to do work. He had welcomed the Hyuuga heir into his shop but he wasn't very happy about it. Although Neji was a well-respected Jounin from one of the oldest families in Konoha, he was still a boy. Inoichi had a vendetta against ninety-nine percent of the boys in Konoha these days. Like the recon ninja he was, he hid in the shadows. Watching. _Waiting_.

"They aren't supposed to be ornate. You pick one main flower and then decorate around it. The flowers you use change depending on the season," Ino explained. " _Ikebana_ is extremely important to civilian upper class women. If they aren't good at it, it's hard for them to get married. Ridiculous, isn't it?" Ino loved flowers but using ikebana as a basis of worth was completely ludicrous. There was more to a woman than how well she arranged flower or mixed tea.

Neji looked thoughtful. "I don't know about that. It says something about a person's determination and skill to be able do this well."

"There's a trick to it, just like anything else. It's—" Ino saw her father out of the corner of her eye sharpening hedge trimmers savagely. "Daddy, we're running low on salvia. Could you please get some more from the greenhouse?"

Inoichi paused in his sharpening. "Well—"

" _Please_ ," Ino's tone left no room for argument.

"Alright, but I'll be _right_ back," he said pointedly to Neji. "Right. Back."

"Could you just go already?!" Ino made shooing motions. "I swear, that man…"

Neji watched Inoichi inch out the door. Before he disappeared into the greenhouse he pointed to his eyes and then to Neji as if to say, _I'm watching you, buddy._ "You two have a very good relationship."

"I guess you could say that."

Silence.

Worse: _Awkward silence._

"To be honest," Ino started, "I'm not really good at dealing with you."

"'Dealing with me?'" Neji echoed.

She folded her arms across her chest, looking at a spot on the wall behind him. "You're hard to read. I feel like when you look at me you're _really_ looking at me."

"Isn't it polite to make eye contact with a person when they're speaking to you?" If Ino didn't known better, she might think Neji sounded _amused._

Hyuuga Neji did not just _look_ at a person. Everyone _looked_ at her but not everyone _saw_ her. Ino had spent years building up a beautiful façade, an iron defense that not many could penetrate; she wasn't about to let herself get undone by Konoha's Number One Most Socially Awkward Genius. "Anyway," Ino recovered smoothly. "There's also… _That Thing_ that happened at the Chuunin exams that I just can't forget. It makes it really hard to talk with you."

"'That thing'?" he repeated back.

"You know!" Ino's gestured wildly with her hands. " _That Thing._ "

Neji mentally walked through the events of the Chuunin exams in question. "Do you mean my fight with Hinata-sama?" he asked quietly. He had been so bitter and so dangerous that he almost made the biggest mistake of his life. It was a shameful memory that he had wanted desperately to forget.

"No! No, not that. Just forget I said anything, okay?" His steady gaze on her had made her so nervous but the sad, remorseful expression that overtook his face at the thought of hurting Hinata made her even more flustered. Logically Ino knew that even the most stoic ninja had feelings but she wasn't quite ready to experience all of Neji's.

"If not that, then… the Forest of Death?"

Ino's silence said it all.

"When you attempted to seduce me and get my autograph?"

"Noooo," Ino moaned, turning her back to Neji and clutching the wall behind her in despair. She wanted to die. Just curl up and _die_ right there. "Don't remind me!" She had been twelve and overconfident and stupid and it was painful to even think about it.

His lips quirked up ever so slightly. "Does that mean you _don't_ want my autograph anymore?"

She buried her face in her hands miserably. Why hadn't she listened to Shikamaru when he said her plan wouldn't work? Why didn't she ever listen? Ten years later, she was still paying for her immaturity.

"You said you've always wanted to get to know me better," Neji pointed out.

Ino staggered, as if hit with a physical attack. "Okay, okay, I get it, just—"

His eyes never left her, even as she attempted to slither away. "And now you're getting the chance."

Was… Hyuuga Neji actually making… a joke?

A scarier thought: Was he _serious_?

Neji continued to sip his tea serenely. Either way, Ino thought weakly, she was not going to make it through this courtship alive.

* * *

Since her birthday months earlier, Ino had been doing a spectacular job of avoiding prolonged amounts of contact with Sakura. Ino had a lot on her plate right now: T&I work, the flower shop, avoiding suitors, spending time with the people she was engaged to, trying to keep sane. Ino had no time to breathe or sleep, let alone face down an angry Sakura.

Anyway, even though Sakura was perpetually annoyed with her, she had never really been _angry_ with Ino. _Angry_ Sakura was a force to be reckoned with. She once punched a man in a hospital who still had an _IV_ still connected to his arm, no holds barred. And it seemed that Sakura was on the warpath; Ino had heard about the Nara Shougi Board Incident from Shikamaru.

Honestly, Ino knew it was only a matter of time before Sakura came for her. She was scared for her life.

But _surely_ Sakura understood where Ino was coming from. She wasn't going out of her way to hurt anyone. She just wanted to exert some control over her life. She wanted to show the men of Konoha that she was not to be trifled with just because she was a woman. Even though her path had been laid out before her since the time of her conception, even though there were all these expectations and rules and pressure, in the end, Ino just wanted to live her life the way that she wanted.

Fight as they may, Sakura was her best friend, so of _course_ she would understand Ino's way of thinking.

"Hey." Ino dropped the shoes she was holding in surprise. Sakura loomed behind her, low voice and very close to her ear. Not that she would ever admit it, but Ino was a little afraid to turn around. "We need to talk."

… or maybe not.

With a sigh of resignation, Ino put her other shopping bags down. "Alright. What's up?"

"'What's up? WHAT'S UP?' ARE YOU EVEN KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?" The store owner, a nice young civilian woman named Yasuko, hid under her desk. Ino would miss shopping here.

"Why are you so upset?"

Sakura choked back her rage. "YOUR TERRIBLE LIFE CHOICES!"

Ino pretended to look offended. "Well, I _never_."

"What are you doing?! Don't you care at ALL about the people you're hurting? It might just be a game to you, but peoples' feelings hang in the balance!" Sakura looked exasperated. "We're all supposed to be friends!"

"I didn't force anyone to do _anything_ ," Ino browsed the shoe shelves. "If you want to go yell at someone, why don't you start with Naruto, Kiba, and Neji? Or my father? Or the entire older generation of our clans that have these stupid archaic rules to begin with?"

Sakura grabbed her arm. "No, you know _exactly_ what you're doing. You've manipulated this entire situation—"

Ino yanked her arm out of Sakura's tight hold. "What? You mean the situation I was _forced_ into? You're damn right I did! It's my life."

"You're just being selfish! You don't care who you hurt as long as you get what you want!" Sakura didn't mean it, not entirely, but it was hard to express her worry for Ino when Ino was being such a _bitch_. "What about Hinata? Or Tenten? You don't think _any_ of them care about what you're doing!?"

Ino shrugged. "Is it my fault that they haven't made their move yet? If I were Hinata, I would have told Naruto how I felt ages ago. And if I were Tenten, I would have fought for the person I loved. You can't just sit around waiting for happiness to come to you!"

Her cold words felt like a personal attack on Sakura, who had always, always waited for Sasuke to return. Almost instinctively, her arm reeled back and she slapped Ino across the face. Hard. Yasuka gasped from under her desk.

Ino held her cheek, swearing under her breath. That was going to leave a mark. "You just—you—" Sakura was so angry she couldn't even get the words out. "YOU JUST THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE!"

"Uh," said a new, male voice at the door interrupted. It was Ino's new best friend, ANBU Bear. _Great,_ Ino thought. _Is he going to complain about me bleeding on the merchandise now?_ "Hokage-sama wants to see you, Yamanaka."

She stood up shakily, grabbing her shopping bags. "Gladly."

"We're not done yet!" Sakura protested.

"We're done," Ino brushed past Sakura and was out the door with ANBU Bear before Sakura could yell any further.

Seeing that the coast was finally clear, Yasuko crawled out from under her desk. She stared at Sakura, her mouth slanted down in annoyance and disapproval. "I think I should go now," Sakura said sheepishly.

"I think that would be for the best."

* * *

It was a fairly simple mission: A recon ninja (Ino) and a tracker ninja (Shino) were supposed to find and gather information on a group of dangerous criminals from Fire country. No fighting, no physical engagement, no mess. It was the type of mission that Ino and Shino were made for and had done a hundred times before. They were supposed to get in and get out and be done with it.

Ino should have known that nothing ever went her way.

"So," Shino said as they waited behind a bush for someone to come out, "you are engaged to Kiba." It had been nearly two hours and there had been no signs of anyone, despite Shino's insistence that this was the spot where they needed to be. Ino knew better than to argue with her team leader—she was in no mood for a three hour lecture on why his insects were always accurate.

Ino rubbed the bridge of her nose. He picked now of all times to gossip? "You know, we should really be concentrating on this mission. So let's just sit here quietly and wait."

"Ah."

Oh man, did she just hurt his feelings by brushing him off? It probably took a lot of courage for Shino to strike up a conversation outside of battle with her. "Look, I—"

Suddenly, they were surrounded, but not by ordinary criminals. The men had strong chakra readings, flak jackets, cloth covering the bottom on their faces, and were armed to teeth with kunai and shuriken.

"Were we expecting company?" Ino asked, flinging a kunai with deadly precision at one of their faces. He screamed in agony when it pieced his eye.

"No."

" _Great_."

* * *

Sakura was feeling guilty and hating herself for it.

On one hand, she had been entirely right in smacking some sense into Ino, who was not only hurting other people but herself as well. On the other hand, it wasn't her life and maybe she didn't fully understand what Ino was going through.

"GRAAAHH!" Sakura flipped some papers off of her desk in a fit of misplaced anger. "I don't care anymore!"

Shikamaru watched as the papers fluttered uselessly to the ground, grateful that she hadn't thrown anything heavier. His nose was still recovering from the Shougi Board Incident. "Bad time?"

Sakura cleared her throat and pretended to look professional. She had been meaning to apologize to Shikamaru for some time but it had taken a backseat to knocking some sense into his teammate. She really needed to learn to control her temper and strength, lest she end up forever single and alone like her mentor. "No, it's fine. Shikamaru, I—"

"I don't make it a habit to get involved in a fight between women," He slumped down into an empty chair. "Just for the record."

Sakura rolled her eyes. _Here we go._ "Go on."

"I heard about what happened at the shoe store."

Damn it, was nothing a secret in this village? "Who told you?" she grumbled. She didn't want to start losing credibility as an awesome and talented ninja just because of a few (okay, maybe a little more than a few) incidents off duty.

"Doesn't matter. Anyway, I know that you're pissed at Ino and I'm not defending anything she does. Hell, I can barely understand why she does them in the first place. But maybe you need to see things from her point of view." Shikamaru scratched the back of his neck, clearly uncomfortable with all this talk about _feelings_ and crap. "Since we were kids, she was always the one under the most pressure. Her old man was always wavering about whether or not he wanted her to take over some day."

Sakura gaped. "Are you serious? That makes no sense! She was always one of the most talented people in our class!"

"Yeah, well, you know how he dotes on her, right? He wanted to spare her the extra burden of having to lead the clan, even if she _is_ better than all of her cousins."

It _screamed_ injustice and suddenly, realization was starting to dawn on Sakura. "And wanting to join T &I like Inoichi-san—"

"—he was totally against it," Shikamaru said. "Even though their jutsus are made for it, being a woman in Intel is dangerous. Intel ninjas are most likely to get caught and kept alive for information."

Sakura winced. She had heard plenty of horror stories about what they did to female ninjas to extract information. Part of her wondered if Ino ever had to go through that. Part of her never wanted to know.

"There's a lot she doesn't—and can't—tell you. Ino doesn't want anyone to worry about her. So now on top of all of that, she has this new obligation forced on her…" Shikamaru trailed off, hoping that Sakura could connect the dots. All this explaining was so troublesome.

"And she just wants to make her own choices," Sakura finished. Ino had said as much to her but Sakura hadn't _really_ been listening. "I'm the worst friend."

"Nah," Shikamaru picked something out his ear with his pinkie finger, "Ino could easily drive a person to murder over something stupid. You reacted normally. I wouldn't worry too much about it."

"Thank you," Sakura said earnestly. "And I'm sorry about the… shougi board thing."

Shikamaru smirked. "I've already accepted that it's my station in life to be surrounded by the most troublesome women. I gotta head out now, though. Godaime wants to talk about Chuunin exam preparations. Such a pain."

"Sakura-san! Emergency!" One of the medics in training, a mousy chuunin girl, nearly ran over Shikamaru to get to Sakura's desk. All ninety pounds of her gracelessly crashed into him. "They need you downstairs in surgery right now!"

Sakura immediately went in medic mode. "What—?"

She held out a familiar silver earring in her blood stained latex glove. Shikamaru touched his own matching stud.

"It's Yamanaka-san."

* * *

Weirdly enough, when Ino awoke, she was in a bar. The last thing she remembered was the failed mission that was supposed to be a piece of cake. She remembered getting attacked by the rogue ninja. She remembered performing medical jutsu on Shino and carrying him back to Konoha even though she was wounded herself (broken arm, stab wounds, potential internal bleeding). Now there were no signs of injuries on her. Her clothes were perfectly intact. She felt no pain.

Sitting at the bar was a man with his fingers wrapped around a bottle of beer. Wisps of smoke curled around him as he took a drag on a familiar smelling cigarette. Ino sat down on a stool next to him.

"Long time no see, Sensei," Ino smiled through her tears. "I have a lot I want to tell you."


	6. Okaeri

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: "Okaeri" is the response given to someone who says "Tadaima". It means welcome back or welcome home. Again, it doesn't necessarily mean welcoming someone back to an actual place, rather it can mean welcoming them back after a long time of not meeting :) Sorry for the long wait on this chapter but on the plus side, it's a little longer (about 1600 words longer) than the usual chapter! Enjoy :D
> 
> Rating: M for language, violence (of the Torture and Interrogation kind), and adult situations.  
> Disclaimer: Nope nope nope, still Kishimoto's and not mine.

When Ino woke a second time, she was surrounded by darkness.

Her first thought: she was dead.

Her second thought: was she at least wearing nice underwear when they found her corpse? She didn't want her legacy to be, "Talented kunoichi, devastatingly beautiful, wore boring cotton panties."

Ino blinked rapidly and the darkness began to clear. She recognized the bland colors and shapes of a typical hospital room in Konoha. Asuma and the bar were nowhere in sight. It looked like she had once again cheated death.

 _Luck of the devil_. She could almost hear her sensei chuckling around a mouthful of smoke. _No one would know it by looking at you, but you Yamanakas are a resilient bunch._

She turned her head (the only part of her body that could _actually_ move — she would have to report to Shizune-san that whatever drugs they were dripping via IV into her system were A++ would try again, because she felt _nothing_ ) and spotted her best friend curled up in a chair next to her bed. How long had she been here?

More importantly: How long had _Ino_ been here?

"Ino?" the medic croaked. She looked as terrible as Ino felt. The urge to tease her about her messy hair and dark circles under her eyes was strong, but frankly she was too tired to even open her mouth to talk. Her uninjured right hand twitched in an attempt to prove that she was no longer comatose and Sakura immediately grasped it. "You're finally awake. You've been out for almost three days."

Oh.

Well that answered _that_ question.

"Shino is fine. You saved his life." Sakura rubbed Ino's hand as if it was cold and she was trying to warm it up. It felt so nice to be spoiled by her friend who, by the looks of her unwashed hair and rumpled clothes, had not left her bedside in those missing three days. Ino decided to revel in the love fest now because it wouldn't be long before —

"You are _so_ stupid!"

And there it was.

"What were you thinking? You were seriously injured! And you used _even more chakra_ to heal Shino and then _carry him home on your back_! That goes against every medic regulation in the book!"

Ino wished she could find the strength to roll her eyes. What was Sakura going to do, throw her into medic jail? Seriously. And speaking of rules, wasn't this a hospital? Weren't they supposed to be quiet?

"You almost bled out in front of the gates to the village —in front of Iruka-sensei's kindergarten class no less, do you know how traumatizing that is ?— and then you had the _nerve_ to yell at Kotetsu-san not to touch Shino's sunglasses before passing out! You're unbelievable! You're just so — so reckless with your own life! Do you know that I had to do emergency surgery on you? Do you know that your heart actually stopped for a few moments?" Sakura paused to take a breath, dropping Ino's hand. "And you had the _gall_ to almost die when I'm still angry with you! How dare you!"

Ino licked her chapped lips and employed the Nara Shikamaru Method of Appeasing Women: apology profusely. "I'm sorry?"

"You're sorry? You're _sorry_?!" Tears rolled down Sakura's cheeks at an alarming rate. "I was so scared that our last conversation might have been a stupid fight in a shoe store! You're so —you're so inconsiderate! I hate you sometimes!"

Sakura's tears turned into full blown unattractive, relieved sobbing. She may have lectured and complained about Ino's (alarmingly increasing) questionable life choices but it was all born of love. Shinobi were supposed to be detached enough from death that they didn't fear it, but were also encouraged to care about the lives of their comrades. It wasn't easy to find a balance.

It was impossible for Sakura.

Ino held out her good arm. "You're such a crybaby, Sakura."

Sakura crawled next to her on the bed, careful not to disturb any of the wires attached to her friend. She cried into Ino's shoulder, days of pent up worry finally being released. "I'm so glad you're okay. I'm just—so glad."

Ino wanted to tell Sakura that she was glad, too. That she was genuinely sorry for worrying her. Most importantly, she wanted to thank her for saving her life. She wanted to tell her about the mission and how she was pretty sure it wasn't some random encounter. She wanted to tell her about meeting Asuma and the things they spoke about because Ino was scared she would forget the encounter entirely. Did it even really happen or was Ino just certifiably insane? Being in T&I could do strange things to a person.

"Sakura—"

Soft snores muffled against Ino's shoulders were her only reply. Sakura had passed out in what was likely a combination of both physical and emotional exhaustion. Well. What could you do? Ino rested her head against Sakura's and closed her eyes.

_I guess it can wait until tomorrow._

* * *

When Sakura stepped into Ino's room to check on her, she'd been expecting visitors. Ino was, after all, one of the most popular girls in the entire village. Her family, teammates, friends, admirers and co-workers had all been talking about coming to visit. Maybe she was a little strict about Ino's visitor policy, but really. She almost _died_. It wasn't unreasonable to ask for only two people at a time to be at the bedside. Sakura thought that most of her fellow shinobi respected her enough to do what she asked.

Then again, this was Ino, and to Ino rules were merely _suggestions_. Sakura was therefore prepared for maybe _five_ people in the tiny room with her friend. Six at the most.

What she hadn't been expecting was a _fucking party in the hospital_.

Ino was propped up in bed with Kurenai's daughter tucked under her good arm. Chouji was alternating between feeding her pudding and crying in relief. Shikamaru and Neji were also on the bed, currently engaged in a very serious shougi battle. Inoichi, Shikaku, Chouza, Kiba, Naruto, and Shino were playing cards (was that a sake bottle and karaoke machine Sakura spotted? For fuck's sake!). Tenten and Hinata were drinking tea and eating cookies with Kurenai. Lee was doing chin ups using the metal bar in the closet. Sai had Ino's medical chart and seemed to be doodling absently on it (in flagrant disregard for patient privacy regulations)!

Even _Sasuke_ was there, sitting in the corner, eating cake ( _really_?) and looking towards the window every so often as if contemplating his escape.

Sakura stared in shock, mouth opening and closing uselessly.

"'scuse me," Genma and Aoba stepped around Sakura—because of course, even more people were trying to squeeze in here even though Sakura specifically said Ino needed to rest!—to get to Ino's side. Genma put a beautiful bouquet of red roses into a nearby vase. Kiba, Naruto, and Inoichi eyed him with obvious disdain.

"'jichan, roses are super common and kind of tacky, right?" Naruto faux whispered.

"That's right, Naruto-kun. Very common. Not creative at all," Inoichi folded his arms over his chest. "Not creative _at all_ ," he repeated, just in case Genma hadn't heard him the first time.

"So, you're, like, what? Fifty now?" Kiba asked Genma loudly. Sakura couldn't be certain since her view was obscured, but she was pretty sure Kiba, Naruto, and Inoichi had high-fived when they thought no one was looking.

Sasuke moved his chair a couple of inches over to avoid any bloodshed.

Genma gave Kiba a rakish smirk. "Old enough to know better, young enough to do it anyway."

Were they all kidding? Ino had almost died and they were eating cookies, playing, and starting fights in her _hospital room_? Did they not _understand_ how close they had come to losing her? It had only been a couple of days since she had woken up and everyone was being completely ridiculous! Sakura was the medic. Her word was _the word._

"EVERYONE. GET. OUT. RIGHT. NOW," Sakura seethed. "I SAID TWO VISITORS AT ANY GIVEN TIME. DOES THIS LOOK LIKE TWO VISITORS?" Shikamaru moved the shougi board out of Sakura's reach, just in case there was a repeat of the earlier Shougi Incident. "LEE-SAN, THIS IS A HOSPITAL. STOP TRAINING IN THE CLOSET THIS _INSTANT_."

"Yes ma'am!"

"KIBA, NARUTO, STOP FIGHTING WITH GENMA-SAN. INOICHI-SAN, STOP ENCOURAGING THEIR BAD BEHAVIOR."

"Yes ma'am!"

"AND FOR GOD'S SAKE, SOMEONE GET THAT KARAOKE MACHINE OUT OF HERE!"

"Yes ma'am!"

The shinobi shuffled out of the room slowly, karaoke machine and sake in tow. It was disappointing, but Kiba, Naruto, and Tenten were already devising a secret plan to sneak back in for shenanigans when Sakura wasn't looking. They had an obligation to their injured friend to keep her entertained, after all.

"TWO. PEOPLE. TWO PEOPLE, INO-PIG," Sakura glared at her friend, who attempted to look adorable, angelic, and oh so frail so as not to incite Sakura's wrath. "MAKE YOUR CHOICE."

Ino smiled and put her hand to her wounded chest to remind Sakura that she had almost just died so Sakura couldn't actually hit her. "Just Sasuke is fine."

Sasuke and Sakura wore eerily similar looks of astonishment on their faces. Sakura opened her mouth as if to argue but snapped it shut with a scowl. She didn't know what Ino was planning but she didn't like it. Ino had three days of lying around in a hospital to scheme. Sakura narrowed her eyes. Sasuke's left eyebrow quirked up. "Five minutes."

Ino waited until Sakura closed the door behind her and was a good distance away before addressing Sasuke. "Hey, bro, come over here for a second." She sounded suspiciously like one of those gangsters that had been popping up across Fire Country extorting money from people.

Sasuke sighed and walked over to her bedside. He didn't know what compelled him to do so. Maybe because Ino signed his mental health papers. "What?"

"You're busting me out of here. I'm bored and I can't stay here another minute longer," Ino said simply. "Sakura's busy chasing everyone out of the hospital. Now's our chance."

"…No."

"No? Just like that!?"

Sasuke turned his head, bangs falling over his eyes so his face was obscured. If Ino had to guess, his voice was laced with – what? Sadness? Regret? "It's in my best interest to stay on Sakura's good side."

"You legit tried to kill her once. I think that ship has sailed."

"I apologized for that."

Ino snorted. "You grabbed her on her way home from work, threw her into an alley, shouted _I'm sorry!_ in her face, and ran away. That isn't a proper apology by any definition of the word, Sasuke-kun."

"I didn't _shout_." It was clear that this was a line of conversation he wanted to avoid. "… and if I refuse to help you?"

She inspected her nails. "You know those little boxes next to 'hears voices that aren't there' and 'neglect of personal hygiene' on your mental health forms? I might feel inclined to, maybe… check them."

"Are you _blackmailing_ me?"

"Yep." Ino started detaching herself from the various machines she was hooked up to, "I suggest we get this done before Sakura realizes I'm gone. You wouldn't want to have to awkwardly apologize twice, now would you?"

Sasuke watched Ino get herself ready to leave, somewhat awed that she had just effectively gotten him, Uchiha Sasuke, ex-S-class criminal, to do exactly what she wanted. Without the use of actual physical force. In about five seconds.

Not for the first time, he thought to himself that if the Akatsuki really wanted to accomplish their goal of world domination, they should have just recruited Yamanaka Ino.

* * *

"A thirteen letter word starting with an 'a' that means 'murder'," Ino chewed on the end of her pencil. She had made herself very comfortable at Sasuke's house. Well, she had _forced_ Sasuke to make her very comfortable in his own house. She demanded his help, his clothes, and finally, his couch. Somehow she had gathered every pillow he owned and lounged on them like a queen. He still didn't think this was the best place to take her after scooping her up (!), escaping through the window (!) and kidnapping her (!), but Ino assured him that this was the safest place for them because Sakura would never step foot there.

He wasn't sure whether to be relieved or offended.

"'Assassination." Appropriate, because this is what Sakura was going to do to him if she ever found out Sasuke helped Ino defy her.

She scrawled the answer and paused thoughtfully. "An eight letter word that means 'deception'."

"'Betrayal'."

"You're really good at this. Eight letters: outlaw."

"… 'criminal'."

Before Sasuke could decide if Ino was just making up those questions to bug him, Naruto burst through the door, uninvited as per usual. He carried bags of groceries in each hand. Sasuke had enough insight to know that he was (a bit) socially stunted but, really. He knew how to buy his own _food_. Usually he welcomed the pretense (Naruto was always looking for excuses to come hang out with him, and he did sometimes secretly appreciate it), but Naruto could be so loud and annoying —

"INO?!" Naruto screeched, dropping a bag of oranges on the floor. One slowly rolled under the couch, coming to rest a few inches from Ino. She ignored it. "You're supposed to be at the hospital!" His eyes darted to her shirt— _Sasuke's_ shirt—and widened. A sea of panicked blue flooded the room. Sasuke prepared himself for higher pitched screaming. "Why are you here?! Wearing Sasuke's clothes?!"

— like now.

Ino put her finger to her lips thoughtfully. "It's actually not what it looks like for once."

"IT LOOKS LIKE YOU RAN AWAY FROM THE HOSPITAL WITH SASUKE. AND NOW YOU'RE WEARING HIS CLOTHES!"

"Okay," she conceded. "That actually happened. But that's the _only_ thing that happened. Surgery, remember? My heart would probably explode if I did more than even _think_ about it _—"_

"BUT YOU _THOUGHT_ ABOUT IT?!" Naruto's voice had gone so high that Akamaru could probably hear him from across the village.

Sasuke knew he should have gone with his first instinct and let Ino declare him legally insane years ago. It would have been so much simpler. "If you keep carrying on like an idiot, someone is going to hear you."

Translation: _Sakura_ is going to hear you.

And then _there will be blood_.

Naruto clasped his hands in front of his mouth, voice dropping to a whisper. "You're sure nothing happened?" He looked at Sasuke, back to Ino (who went back to her crossword), and then back to Sasuke. Ino understood Naruto's neurosis. He was still suffering from what Sakura called "Sasuke-complex-itis." This, in Ino's honest opinion, was completely ridiculous. Although Sasuke was an attractive "tortured soul" or whatever, he was pretty much under house arrest, and outside their group of friends, most people had been very slow to forgive him.

On the other hand, puberty had been very kind to Naruto (she knew this first hand). He was strong, and sweet, and had saved them many times over. He was going to be Hokage. No contest. "So Sasuke just took you from the hospital to be _nice_?"

"Um," Ino said delicately, because blackmail wasn't _exactly_ nice, "sort of."

The blond finally grinned widely. "Sasuke did something nice! That's great!"

Ino couldn't bear to destroy Naruto's delusions. He had such a kind heart and looked so happy for Sasuke, who was always so lonely. Also, it didn't _exactly_ reflect well on her that she had abused her power to get Sasuke to do her bidding. " _Super_ nice," Ino intoned with a straight face.

"That's seriously great," Naruto told Sasuke, "but I still have to get Ino out of here before Sakura-chan finds out." He looked genuinely apologetic that he was interrupting their friendship bonding. "Besides, shouldn't you be resting in bed?"

"I feel _fine_. I'm just a bit sore," Ino absently touched her bandaged chest. "I hate lying around doing nothing. I don't want to go back to the hospital so I'm not going!"

Naruto panicked at Ino's impending hissy fit. "Eh? EH?!" He flailed his arms. "But Sakura-chan—"

"If you're so worried about Sakura, why don't _you_ go?" She had gone into full blown _doped up and bratty_ mode. Naruto still had a Sakura-chan-complex, too. And if Naruto cared more about getting in trouble with Sakura than Ino's (albeit selfish) happiness, then Ino couldn't care less what he did. In fact, he could just marry Sakura if he loved her so much! He'd wanted to do that since they were kids, right? They could have adorable blond babies with giant foreheads and _what-the-hell-ever_.

"Inooooooo!" Naruto whined.

"Forty eight hours out of a coma and you're already causing controversy," a new voice at the door deadpanned. "This has to be some sort of record."

Ino glowered darkly. She clutched the crossword puzzles to her chest protectively, as if he was threatening to take them away. "Stay out of it, Shikamaru! How did you even know where I was?"

Her teammate shrugged. "As soon as you said you only wanted to talk to Sasuke, I knew you were up to something. I assumed it involved abuse of your power. I just put two and two together."

"Oh, crap, then Sakura definitely knows where she is!" Naruto clutched his hair. "We're screwed!" He could almost feel his ribs breaking under her angry fists. He whimpered and wondered if he could take an S-rank mission until this blew over.

"I don't care," Ino turned her head stubbornly. "I'm not going back to the hospital."

Sasuke watched the drama unfold in his living room with mild interest. Naruto was close to tears, Ino was throwing a tantrum, and Shikamaru had a pinched expression on his face. It almost felt like he was a part of things in the village again and it felt… nice. Not, he thought, that he would ever tell them that.

"I'm not taking you back to the hospital." Shikamaru was clearly trying to muster patience that he didn't usually have. "I'll take you back to my house." He turned to Naruto, who was still battling with himself over what to do. "I'll take the heat for it."

Everyone stared at him. Ino couldn't believe that he had actually just said that… or even showed up at Sasuke's at all. Shikamaru was willingly going to leave himself vulnerable to the Wrath of Sakura? Even after the Shougi Incident?

"… fine, but I'm taking my crossword puzzle," Ino finally conceded, to everyone's (including Shikamaru's) surprise. Naruto sighed in relief. "I'm not drinking any more of the gross Nara Cure All juice, though!"

"You can take it up with Ma," Shikamaru put his arm around her shoulder to support her. "But you know that's not a battle you'll win."

The conversation between the two of them went on like this until Ino was ready to leave—Ino making outrageous demands and Shikamaru easily giving in because to do otherwise was troublesome. Ino waved goodbye, kissed Naruto on the cheek, and thanked Sasuke with a wink for his help.

Somehow, Sasuke knew that this would not be the last time he was embroiled in one of Ino's schemes.

Now that the Ino situation had been taken care of, Naruto went about cheerfully putting away the groceries that he brought over. "It's a good thing that all worked out," Naruto examined the milk in Sasuke's fridge. "Shikamaru's mom will look after Ino so Sakura won't have to worry! Ino probably won't be bored, either, and we can go visit her over there whenever we want."

"Sakura is the least of your problems," Sasuke commented dryly, still able to hear Ino and Shikamaru's conversation outside. She had just demanded that he carry her home on his back and by the sound of his pause and deep sigh, Shikamaru was _actually_ crouching down to do it. Didn't Naruto feel threatened at all by the sacred InoShikaChou bond? Especially the InoShika part? _Especially_ because they acted like a married couple half the time and were the poster children for Unresolved Sexual Tension the other half?

Naruto opened the milk and drank straight from the carton, even though it was Sasuke's milk, in Sasuke's fridge, and it was absolutely disgusting. Sasuke made a mental reminder to burn the carton when Naruto was done. "What do you mean?" It was very hard to take him seriously with a milk mustache. Sasuke wondered why he had even tried to reason with him at all. Besides, why should he care if Naruto got dumped because of his own stupidity?

Sasuke went back to his crossword puzzle and imparted one last piece of wisdom to his friend: "An idiot will always stay an idiot."

"Hey! What does that mean?! Oi! I'm the future Hokage! I'll have you executed!"

* * *

Unsurprisingly, Yoshino had a field day berating Ino for leaving the hospital when she was still recovering. Shikamaru had conveniently left out that he had found her at Sasuke's house, mostly for his own benefit. No doubt Yoshino would yell herself hoarse at Ino's carelessness and somehow Shikamaru would get blamed for the whole thing. It would be their little secret.

"You're really much too reckless." Yoshino's words were harsh but her actions were gentle; she tucked the covers around Ino neatly after applying Super Secret Nara Deer Ointment and redressing her wound. "We can't keep our eyes off you for a moment!"

"I'm sorry," Ino said obediently. From his position in the corner, Shikamaru nodded slightly in approval. Apologizing was the only way to appease his mother. "I'll be more careful."

Yoshino smoothed out the covers twice more and yelled at Shikamaru for having books out of place on his shelf before leaving. Ino could hear Yoshino start in on Shikaku in the hallway for being so lax about Ino's disappearing act. The Nara men were completely whipped. It was a beautiful, satisfying thing to watch.

Shikamaru sat on the edge of the bed, petting the fat, white, stray cat who often visited his room through his window. Comfortable silence filled the room as Ino drifted in and out, calmed by the warm breeze and familiar smells of the Nara house. She, Shikamaru, and Chouji had spent a lot of time in this room when they were genin, talking about missions and goofing off. She missed the days when everything was much simpler.

"Can you remember anything about the attack?" Shikamaru asked suddenly. "Shino told Godaime as much as he could remember but it wasn't much to go on."

Ino stared up at the ceiling. "There's not much to tell. We just ran into a couple of rogue shinobi." Not _quite_ true. The shinobi seemed to have run into _them_ deliberately. Their defense against Ino and Shino was iron clad—they knew too much about Yamanaka and Aburame jutsus for random rogue ninja. Their intent was to kill; Ino had no doubt they had a grudge again her, Shino, or even Leaf as a whole. "They outnumbered us. We fought and escaped."

Shikamaru turned his head slightly to look at her from the corner of his eye. "Did you recognize what village they were from?"

Her heart pounded uncomfortably in her chest. Confidentiality never applied to Shikamaru and Chouji. Everything she knew, they knew. Everything they knew, she knew. They never kept (professional) secrets from each other. It was part of the reason their teamwork was legendary. This was a special case, though. She couldn't just run her mouth and make accusations when the livelihood of a village—an _allied_ village— hung precariously in the balance. "I don't know. It was hard to tell."

"What kind of jutsus did they use?"

"I don't remember."

Shikamaru put the cat down on the floor and faced her fully. "So you're telling me that you didn't use your jutsu to gather intel?" It just didn't sound like the Ino he knew. She was made for gathering information. Even if the battle had taken ten minutes, even if she was moments from death, she would have found a way to do her job.

"Stop interrogating me!" Ino snapped defensively. "We were ambushed and there wasn't enough time!"

He pursed his lips together but stayed silent. She wondered if Shikamaru knew more than he was letting on. She wondered if he knew that she was holding something back from him. She wondered if he was hurt by it. Ino felt horrendously guilty, but it was for his own good that he was left in the dark. Before this became a village-wide problem, before a potential war broke out, Ino had to be sure that her hunch was right. There was too much at stake for her to make rookie mistakes.

"When I was going through surgery, I saw Asuma-sensei," Ino said, seemingly out of nowhere. "In a bar. He looked good."

"For a dead guy," Shikamaru said dryly. "Did he have anything inspiring to say?"

"Not really."

"Didn't think so," he chuckled.

Ino burrowed deeper under the blankets. "I apologized for not living up to my end of the bargain responsibility-wise. I haven't been responsible. I haven't been taking very good care of you and Chouji, either."

"And what did he say to that?"

"He said that I should just live however I want and be happy," Ino frowned. "Why did he even bother with those dying words about beating Sakura and looking after you two if he was just going to shrug it off afterwards? That irresponsible jerk, trying to look cool..."

Shikamaru rested his head against the headboard, looking out his bedroom window. "He probably just doesn't want you to live with regrets."

They both knew that Asuma had probably died with a mountain full of regrets—his relationship with his father, his unborn child, abandoning his team—even though he had died a hero. He spoke to her the way a big brother would a younger sister, rather than a teacher to a student. He told her to put her happiness first. He knew her job was tough and that she was capable but he didn't want the dark underbelly of the ninja world to consume her. That being a good ninja was important but there was more to life than _just_ the job. That there was no one right answer to the "obligation versus personal desire" struggle that shinobi dealt with; he was confident that she would find her own way in time. That she would never be second place to Sakura and that she would follow Shikamaru and Chouji to the ends of the earth and support them with everything she had.

So irresponsible and ambiguous, yet so like Asuma.

"It's his fault I turned out this way, you know," Ino said tearfully. "He always let me do whatever I wanted."

Shikamaru smirked and turned off the lamp, signifying that the time for talking was over and she needed to rest. "Don't I know it."


End file.
